Soccer selfie

source: imgur
  • If everyone who walks with their phone in their face could have the same fate
  • Killing an enemy with a Zilean Bomb
  • Bonus for getting the phone too
  • Watch the game, not the phone
  • Soccer selfie
  • GOTTEM!!!

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Comments (58)

  • Dimitri Moore Reply

    Its done removed the bathroom selfie. I added one of me playing soccer, and this one is my main picture Thank you so much!!!

  • Karen Hauck Reply

    Likely no one will see this reply, but I hope you do. Perhaps it's not them, perhaps it's you that's the asshole. For want of a better term it's a "check your privilege" moment, because it's wise to do that before jumping on a bandwagon (in general), and wiser still to do so when your attitude could really do some damage to a family already dealing things you (clearly) don't understand. I'm on Facebook, I have kids, like every parent on Facebook I brag about my children (occasionally, I restrain myself because *other* parents lack of restraint and awareness in regards to bragging endlessly about their "perfect" kids, "perfect" lives, "perfect" marriages... For show. Or likes. Or to fit within the framework of whatever their other friends posts, to "fit in". Or whatever). One of my children also has a bunch of neurological disorders - do I brag about him, his achievements almost shamelessly at times? You better fucking believe it. Why? Because he's a better person than anyone I know. Braver. Kinder. Gentler. With more humility in his pinky toe than idiots who may be 'friends' with me feeling all potentially offended that I dare celebrate these huge fucking milestones, and mention the awesomeness of this kid, because, right, makes me a "show pony"... Umm, no. You may or may not be a parent yourself, so you may or may not be aware of how difficult it can be or how exhausting or how gut wrenching, or how proud you feel over normal every day moments. When your kid learns to read, swim, ride a bike, gets an award for achievement, wins a trophy in their kiddy soccer team. Imagine, for a moment, none of that - NONE of that could ever be taken for granted. That those achievements, if and when they come, didn't just "happen" but took exhaustive hours of therapy, tears, self-recrimination, disappointment, cautious optimism and the achievements, in and of themselves, are MASSIVE breakthroughs rather than ordinary milestones. How proud, relieved, overjoyed would you be then? Would you give a fuck if anyone thought you were "bragging"? See, I don't. Not at all. I have way bigger things to worry about than petty people being petty. You might be proud of your kid for reading at an above average level - my kid does, too, now (because he's really smart), but let me tell you - it took an exhaustive 2 years for him to recognise the letters of the alphabet, to connect the shapes and sounds, to remember and recall phonemes, to begin to understand how language is formed and it's visual patterns. Two years. Every day. Through tears and tantrums, through him believing he's stupid, being told by other people's precious little shitheads he's stupid, it's a big fucking deal. It's not just reading, it's climbing an Everest. And he did it, and he's now reading several grade levels ahead. Same with writing, drawing. Therapy, daily, so he could hold and manipulate a pen or pencil. Did I brag shamelessly about his very first beautiful drawing, oh my god, you bet!!! In private, I also wept, with joy and relief. And riding a bike... Two years, again, before he could learn the balance and be able to coordinate his limbs to do it. Your kid, great, took to it like a natural. Mine didn't- blood, sweat, tears, countless hours. And he fucking did it. Because he's awesome, and determined, and humble, and brave - not because it was a "natural" skill he started expressing one day. Swimming too, took a really long time, but he's a really great swimmer now, really skilled, very strong in the water. He's... Amazing, actually. Oh, and when we finally got a definitive diagnosis so we knew what we were actually dealing with and how to go about 'curing' it? After four years of doctor to doctor, test after test, false start after false start. Well, I cried of happiness for roughly four days straight. Looked like the elephant man as my tear ducts swelled up so badly... Oh, and I posted about it on Facebook. Because it was a big deal to those of us that love him. Above all of his amazing achievements, though, I'm proudest of his nature. He's a lovely kid, incredibly kind, the most compassionate and caring child I've ever known. Whilst other parents may worry one day they'll get a call because their child has been nasty (kids will be kids, right?), I know I'll get a call every few weeks - a child was crying, my son comforted them and looked after them. A child bullied, my child has diffused the situation, confronted the bully and looked after the victim. He's a really, really good kid. And if I'm occasionally inclined to brag, it's because I know I'm the luckiest mum on the planet to have birthed this incredible human being. Look, I get sooo annoyed by stupid "anniversary" posts in my feed, particularly when I know the marriage in question is hellish and the people in it suck, or selfie after selfie of an average face corrected by filters, or bandwagon political memes with no actual philosophical engagement (hey I'll post this because my cool friends are! See! I'm cool!), boring ordinary achievements, like your photo of your dinner at I don't care where, but again, it's a "check your privilege" moment for me - I don't have an ordinary life, I regularly get recognition and validation as part of my career that others would see as unattainable "achievement", I don't have a life where I can fixate on being one of the crowd and wanting to fit in, or caring whether I do or don't. So, I'll like your posts... Because I'm not an asshole. And I leave my professional life behind in my private profile; it's never mentioned. And I'll talk about ordinary things. But I will absolutely, unequivocally, not feel bad about being proud of my son. Funnily enough, one of the mothers I knew felt the same way as you, gossiping to other mothers about how annoying it was I posted about my children (perhaps 5-6 times a year?)... Ironically, she's in the process of trying to make her son a YouTube star... Asking her friends on Facebook to follow him... And I'm sure she doesn't get the irony, of course, but it did make me laugh quite a bit. All I ask is that you don't knee-jerk a reaction, if you cannot empathise with someone's circumstances the problem is yours as much as it's theirs.

  • Rebekah Monahan Reply

    1. Sure there have been other People calling themself "The Machine". But not in Wrestling. I seriously never heard of a another Wrestler that simply called himself "The Machine". So I'm not talking about The Samoan Submission Machine, The Human Suplex/Wrecking Machine, The Big Red Machine, Super Machine, Big Machine, Giant Machine etc etc... I'm just talking about "The Machine". Sure there might be random Territory/Indy/Backyard Guys that no one knows with that Nickname... But these kind of Wrestlers don't matter because they have never been in Companies/Shows like PWG, AAA, Lucha Underground etc etc. But Brian Cage was on these Shows and is well known by people that watch follow PWG, AAA, Lucha Underground etc etc. And you should even care about Wiese... He was a Goal Keeper in Germany, towards the end of his Fottball/Soccer(what ever you call it) career he went to the Gym a lot and got very muscular... One day a Selfie of him in the Gym appeared in the Internet and people started making jokes about him because he was build like a stereotypical Wrestler would be build like. So I guess WWE saw that and then he appeared at a House Show in Germany in November 2014, He was just there and didn't do anything... And then he went to the Performance Center a few times while tons of clueless people hyped him up and now he is having his Wrestling Debut. Even though he called this whole thing a "Project" several times and apperantly he will just have that one Match... So he most likely won't be on NXT... He is just there to have that one Match for the PR in Germany(even though I doubt tons of Football/Soccer Fanboys would start watching WWE all the time because Tim Wiese had ONE Match at a House Show) And sure this might not be that big of a deal when it comes to complaining about it but Wiese is basically stealing every German Wrestler's Spotlight with this... For example Alexander Wolfe from NXT. If Neville & Finn Balor were allowed to work matches in the UK during the WWE Live Tours... Why can't they let Wolfe work Matches in Germany? Why would they waste their time with Wiese when they could hire more German Wrestlers with much more potential? And if Wiese wanted to Wrestle in a Match so bad why didn't he just go to wXw(the biggest German Wrestling Company)? IMO this whole Tim Wiese thing is just a huge joke and a waste of time... And things like WWE/Wiese stealing Brian Cage's Nickname just make it worse.

  • Cortney Schulist Reply

    O rly? title | points | age | /r/ | comnts :--|:--|:--|:--|:-- [Soccer selfie]( | 7539 | 1^yr | funny | 612 [Petition to add this soccer ball to the list of approved balls]( | 251 | 3^mos | androidcirclejerk | 17 [Soccer selfie]( | 5921 | 3^mos | gifs | 1306 [Soccer selfie]( | 279 | 3^mos | BetterEveryLoop | 17 [Soccer selfie]( | 135 | 3^mos | funny | 19 [Soccer Selfie]( | 1376 | 5^mos | funny | 58 [Pay attention!]( | 400 | 4^mos | funny | 39 *[Source: karmadecay](*

  • Nigel Schuster Reply

    Hi /u/ApologiesForTheDelay, your post was removed because it appears to be a recent popular crosspost from /r/funny: * [Soccer selfie](/r/funny/comments/59gez1) (3035) by kc5 1 day ago. Similarity: 100.00 If you think this was a mistake, please [message the moderators](/message/compose?to=/r/gifs&subject=My%20post%20was%20removed&message=%5BThis%20post%5D%28%2fr%2fgifs%2fcomments%2f59oyrj%2fa_wild_voltorb_appears%2f%29%20was%20removed%20for%20breaking%20rule%201,%20but%20I%20would%20like%20a%20second%20opinion%20from%20a%20human.).

  • Breana Wiza Reply

    \#|Score|Deleted? (/r/undelete)|Post :--|:--|:--|:--|:-- 30|+2916| |[Google now notifies you of the best times to buy cheap flights]( (Android) [\[**100 comments**\]](/r/Android/comments/5808u2/google_now_notifies_you_of_the_best_times_to_buy/) 31|+4158| |[LPT Request: How to let your superiors know you ended up doing 100% of the work on a project without sounding like a whiny tattletale?]( (LifeProTips) [\[**774 comments**\]](/r/LifeProTips/comments/57zii9/lpt_request_how_to_let_your_superiors_know_you/) 32|+5707| |[TIL clockwise was called sunwise before the invention of clocks.]( (todayilearned) [\[**283 comments**\]](/r/todayilearned/comments/57zoja/til_clockwise_was_called_sunwise_before_the/) 33|+3399| |[De Gea save vs Coutinho]( (soccer) [\[**349 comments**\]](/r/soccer/comments/57zuxf/de_gea_save_vs_coutinho/) 34|+5881| |[Catfish Eats Pidgeon]( (natureismetal) [\[**510 comments**\]](/r/natureismetal/comments/57ys5g/catfish_eats_pidgeon/) 35|+4149| |[me irl]( (me_irl) [\[**78 comments**\]](/r/me_irl/comments/57zfdr/me_irl/) 36|+5426| |[Discount Tire Boycott Movement Grows as Owner Donates $1M to Keep Marijuana a Felony]( (news) [\[**765 comments**\]](/r/news/comments/57znir/discount_tire_boycott_movement_grows_as_owner/) 37|+5846| |[I've Never Experienced This Feeling Before]( (AdviceAnimals) [\[**360 comments**\]](/r/AdviceAnimals/comments/57ys3u/ive_never_experienced_this_feeling_before/) 38|+5744| |[Never forget that Australia's first ever winter olympics gold was won because the guy was coming dead last and everyone in front of him fell over.]( (olympics) [\[**368 comments**\]](/r/olympics/comments/57ys59/never_forget_that_australias_first_ever_winter/) 39|+3687| |[Am I doing this right guys?]( (Tinder) [\[**148 comments**\]](/r/Tinder/comments/57zkw1/am_i_doing_this_right_guys/) 40|+3383|**[YES](/r/undelete/comments/581j07/403383302_on_the_nose_rperfecttiming/)** (1)|[on the nose]( (PerfectTiming) [\[**302 comments**\]](/r/PerfectTiming/comments/57z4zc/on_the_nose/) 41|+2541| |[When the price so high that you can't even be subtle about it]( (blackpeoplegifs) [\[**78 comments**\]](/r/blackpeoplegifs/comments/5808de/when_the_price_so_high_that_you_cant_even_be/) 42|+3250| |[This Trump announcement today shook the Obama Administration to the core]( (The_Donald) [\[**226 comments**\]](/r/The_Donald/comments/5818yj/this_trump_announcement_today_shook_the_obama/) 43|+3278| |[Let's let go of the wheel and make a <3, WCGW?]( (Whatcouldgowrong) [\[**308 comments**\]](/r/Whatcouldgowrong/comments/57zqyy/lets_let_go_of_the_wheel_and_make_a_3_wcgw/) 44|+3852|**[YES](/r/undelete/comments/57zevb/443852514_the_only_loser_who_will_be_cooking/)** (1)|[The only loser who will be cooking dinner tonight is the single guy who made this]( (thatHappened) [\[**514 comments**\]](/r/thatHappened/comments/57x1f6/the_only_loser_who_will_be_cooking_dinner_tonight/) 45|+6190| |[Just a boring Halloween selfie...(OC flipbook animation)]( (gifs) [\[**274 comments**\]](/r/gifs/comments/57ykyi/just_a_boring_halloween_selfieoc_flipbook/) 46|+1599|**[YES](/r/undelete/comments/57ycws/461599440_proud_of_this_fellow_dota_player_rdota2/)** (1)|[Proud of this fellow DoTA player]( (DotA2) [\[**440 comments**\]](/r/DotA2/comments/57wxus/proud_of_this_fellow_dota_player/) 47|+5830| |[She wasn't ready]( (BlackPeopleTwitter) [\[**283 comments**\]](/r/BlackPeopleTwitter/comments/57yner/she_wasnt_ready/) 48|+2389| |[NO! okay I got this- I can do this. Come on! YES! "oh, let's break it d"- NOOO!]( (Overwatch) [\[**56 comments**\]](/r/Overwatch/comments/5808fu/no_okay_i_got_this_i_can_do_this_come_on_yes_oh/) 49|+1787| |[South Carolina is trying to quietly pass new abortion restrictions. Public comments are being taken until October 24.]( (TwoXChromosomes) [\[**287 comments**\]](/r/TwoXChromosomes/comments/580p2z/south_carolina_is_trying_to_quietly_pass_new/) 50|+3439|**[YES](/r/undelete/comments/581r9w/50343944_dogs_use_teamwork_to_get_ball_out_of_the/)** (1)|[Dogs use teamwork to get ball out of the pool]( (AnimalsBeingBros) [\[**44 comments**\]](/r/AnimalsBeingBros/comments/57z474/dogs_use_teamwork_to_get_ball_out_of_the_pool/) From the top 50 posts on /r/all, 15 or more mods have overridden at least 68,459 upvotes and silenced 5,780 comments.

  • Foster Raynor Reply

    This post is typical of the pro-Knox side: it relies on insults and makes clearly false claims all over the place. Everywhere this case is discussed you will find these knoxtrolls who are probably paid to do this. Since the evidence is well-presented in the court documents such as Nencini (and even Marasca) I will only comment on one point. The author of this post thinks it preposterous that a nice, intelligent, 22 year old with no criminal history could commit such a crime. This is just nonsense. Lots of crimes, especially kinky ones, are committed by bright, sophisticated, middle class kids. Think of the Slenderman attempted murder. Consider the case of Elizabeth Haysome and Jens Soering, convicted of the brutal knife murder of her parents. H and S were Echols Scholars at the University of Virginia. Haysome was from a wealthy and prestigious Virginia family while Soering was the son of a German diplomat. There is some evidence that Haysome's parents looked down on Soering (snobbery works in funny ways) and this enraged him. Manson gang member Leslie van Houten was also from a good family and had no past criminal record. When bright, affluent people commit murders there is often a romantic or sexual angle compounded by the use of drugs. Sometimes sordid family history comes into play. Amanda had a run-in with the law when she staged an orgiastic party that got out of hand. She also once simulated a burglary as a practical joke. She wrote short stories about rape, and chose to name her Myspace page Foxy Knoxy. No, there wasn't a soccer ball icon next to the name. In the documentary she says she thought of herself as Princes Xenon. This is interesting because Princess Xenon was trying to overcome an evil past and battle demons within her. Why would Amanda identify with Xenon? Amanda's father abandoned her at age one. This was possibly very traumatic. Her mother's boyfriend was too young to serve as a father. Amanda used drugs daily when she was with Raff and comes across as a party girl who is often chasing sex and drugs. Her course of study in Perugia was much lighter than Meredith's and she didn't need to work at the bar, given all the money her parents were pumping into her bank account. Possibly she was hoping to meet men. Patrick Lumumba complained that Amanda tended to ignore her duties in order to flirt with customers. Merdith as we know was much more serious, somewhat prudish, and taken aback with Amanda's lifestyle, bringing home weird men, displaying her dildo and condoms and making a spectacle of herself by singing and playing the guitar badly while others were trying to converse. Meredith was said to have 'a wicked sense of humor.' It does not take huge leap of imagination to see how these two could have got in a row. As for Raffaele he is a nut case A handsome, rich, 23 year old virgin with his own apartment and car who gets twice-daily calls from his worried father, who always carries a color-coordinated switchblade, is into animal porn and violent misogynistic fantasies and poses for a selfie waving a meat cleaver and holding a bottle of bleach? Sorry but picturing these two going in on a kinky murder does not take a whole lot of imagination. Frankly I think they are both nutty enough to need psychotherapy and for all I know they were getting it. None of this proves or counts as hard evidence that they murdered Meredith but it refutes the gratuitous suggestion that such bright middle class kids ought not to be suspected of gruesome murders. That is just not the way the world goes.

  • Ted Dicki Reply

    I hate to say it, but about the soccer player Leo Messi. The reason I hate to say it is that, despite being one of the biggest global superstars, he is almost a total enigma and this is by choice. Despite his stature (he is captain of both his club and national team) he rarely gives press conferences or interviews and when he does, he is the master of giving a non-answer. He doesn't use social media except he has an Instagram account of his own where he only posts the occasional selfie with his family, completely boring. Yet, he has had a very interesting life. He is a famous athlete now, but he actually was born with pituitary dwarfism and came, at age 12, to his professional academy as very talented dwarf. (He was treated there, at the expense of the club, with growth hormones and managed to get into the range of adult height, thought at 169cm (between 5'6" - 5'7") he is still on the small side, even for a soccer player. I am certain this is why he wants no media attention now and just wants to live his life. He had a very visible disability during a time in your life when you really don't want to look different. I know that he refused to change with the other boys when he went to academy and also that they were warned before he came about him and told not to be too rough on him. It just seems like such a great story to me, he went from having this type of disability which would surely have ended his career to being one of the best in the world. Also, how does someone like that live every day?

  • Harrison Bins Reply

    i fuckin loved it too man.. gym class/recess was great when we were kids... BurnBall, 4square, football, soccer, basketball, Big playground... and gym class was great too, we had those things you sit on and pedal backwards with your legs pushing you across the floor... good times. i brought my little cousin to the playground at my old elementary school from 20 years ago... and on the wall at recess there was, Selfie Booth writtin in Chalk lol... i feel like their recess probably isnt as athletically inclined as mine had been, its probably more like time to use my iPhone/Galaxy my mommy got me...

  • Phoebe Prosacco Reply

    lazy lawyers. extremely overbroad. Lindsay is right that it was in no way DCU's intent to stop fans from tweeting. this Levy guy is also a lazy lawyer. who the fuck is he kidding that this wouldn't be enforceable because of his first amendment rights? what does a prohibition against government censorship have to do with a soccer team contractually obligating its season ticket holders to not share stuff on social media? the reason this wouldn't be a good case is because the team would have a hard time proving damages for a selfie. that's why I buy Lindsay's argument. there aren't damages for any of the things Levy mentions. there are damages for recording the match and streaming on YouTube or uploading the full match to Reddit. yes, he's right, the language should be changed, because no one should enter into an overbroad contract they're sure to breach unless they have to, even if the counterparty says they won't sue.

  • Elyssa Koss Reply

    Never won such a thing, but I often run into celebs in my everyday life. I met Steffi Jones, the new head coach German women's football (soccer) national team multiple times in my city. I played table football against her and we had a little chat and she was really nice. I went bowling and met a player of the local Bundesliga football team last week. It was Michael Hector, who is also playing for the Jamaican national team. He was really cool and a very nice bloke and just casually talked to us and took a selfie with us. He then scored in the next Bundesliga match. One of my primary school teachers played in the German women's national team at the same time. I met a German first division ice hockey team. They were very friendly and sent me signed autograph cards of everyone of them to my boarding school. At that time I was part of a top class boys choir. We got to meet all kinds of cool people. The queen of Spain invited us over, we sang for the German president at that time, who was very nice and took is time to talk to every single one of us. We played football against La Masia, the football school of the FC Barcelona and met some more politicians and cool people. My grandpa was a German MP himself. So yeah, I have met quite a bunch of people and only had great experiences so far!

  • Kellen Walker Reply

    Nothing like having a Girls' night out, picking up the kids from soccer practice, and drunkenly running over children in your mini-van because you were taking a selfie.

  • Libby Deckow Reply

    \#|Score|Deleted? (/r/undelete)|Post :--|:--|:--|:--|:-- 1|+7136| |[Barrel Tiled Shed]( (videos) [\[**1829 comments**\]](/r/videos/comments/534bl1/barrel_tiled_shed/) 2|+5295| |[Linus gets roasted by Corsair]( (pcmasterrace) [\[**360 comments**\]](/r/pcmasterrace/comments/5348ss/linus_gets_roasted_by_corsair/) 3|+5204| |[Where my I.T. people at?]( (AdviceAnimals) [\[**199 comments**\]](/r/AdviceAnimals/comments/5349xt/where_my_it_people_at/) 4|+4916|**[YES](/r/undelete/comments/532tls/44916255_gamings_natural_selection_rgaming/)** (1)|[Gaming's natural selection]( (gaming) [\[**255 comments**\]](/r/gaming/comments/531xj3/gamings_natural_selection/) 5|+5927|**[YES](/r/undelete/comments/534vvl/55927172_my_dog_wont_go_camping_with_me_anymore/)** (1)|[My dog won't go camping with me anymore.]( (funny) [\[**172 comments**\]](/r/funny/comments/5333rf/my_dog_wont_go_camping_with_me_anymore/) 6|+3356|**[YES](/r/undelete/comments/5331st/63356232_my_friend_showed_me_how_he_plays_the/)** (1)|[My friend showed me how he plays The Witcher 3 in Sri Lanka.]( (gaming) [\[**232 comments**\]](/r/gaming/comments/532fjp/my_friend_showed_me_how_he_plays_the_witcher_3_in/) 7|+2484| |[Give Fallon a coat!]( (The_Donald) [\[**401 comments**\]](/r/The_Donald/comments/5358l9/give_fallon_a_coat/) 8|+5685|**[YES](/r/undelete/comments/533oev/85685876_my_child_needs_to_be_rushed_to_the_er/)** (1)|[My child needs to be rushed to the ER, but first, let me take a selfie.]( (facepalm) [\[**876 comments**\]](/r/facepalm/comments/531ruz/my_child_needs_to_be_rushed_to_the_er_but_first/) 9|+3464|**[YES](/r/undelete/comments/533d4r/93464251_lpt_if_youre_still_hungry_shortly_after/)** (2)|[LPT: If you're still hungry shortly after you've eaten, you're probably dehydrated. Try drinking water before consuming more food.]( (LifeProTips) [\[**251 comments**\]](/r/LifeProTips/comments/532asd/lpt_if_youre_still_hungry_shortly_after_youve/) 10|+5732| |[Florida child sex sting leads to arrest of 22 suspects, including Methodist pastor who worked in schools]( (news) [\[**1347 comments**\]](/r/news/comments/533sp9/florida_child_sex_sting_leads_to_arrest_of_22/) 11|+4290|**[YES](/r/undelete/comments/533u53/114290577_south_park_has_a_better_grasp_of/)** (3)|[South Park Has a Better Grasp of Current Events than the News Does.]( (Showerthoughts) [\[**577 comments**\]](/r/Showerthoughts/comments/5324xy/south_park_has_a_better_grasp_of_current_events/) 12|+7051| |[An F-22 Raptor pulling so many Gs, the low pressure air over the fuselage gets cold enough for the water to condense. The angle is just right for sunlight to make rainbow colors around the airplane]( (pics) [\[**1328 comments**\]](/r/pics/comments/533h7q/an_f22_raptor_pulling_so_many_gs_the_low_pressure/) 13|+2135|**[YES](/r/undelete/comments/535hwv/132135135_update_all_my_walking_paid_off_thank/)** (1)|[Update: All my walking paid off! Thank God it wasn't another pidgey.]( (pokemongo) [\[**135 comments**\]](/r/pokemongo/comments/534li6/update_all_my_walking_paid_off_thank_god_it_wasnt/) 14|+5385| |[Chaotic evil]( (funny) [\[**641 comments**\]](/r/funny/comments/533s7c/chaotic_evil/) 15|+3760|**[YES](/r/undelete/comments/533xlt/153760315_9gag_vs_reddit_a_wellmade_paint/)** (3)|[9gag vs. Reddit, a well-made paint comparison]( (pcmasterrace) [\[**315 comments**\]](/r/pcmasterrace/comments/532bpz/9gag_vs_reddit_a_wellmade_paint_comparison/) 16|+4935| |[MRW my barber ask me "Who are you voting for?" in the middle of a haircut]( (reactiongifs) [\[**398 comments**\]](/r/reactiongifs/comments/533won/mrw_my_barber_ask_me_who_are_you_voting_for_in/) 17|+3535|**[YES](/r/undelete/comments/534fwf/173535300_drivers_ed_should_include_a_section/)** (1)|[Driver's Ed should include a section where you're pulled over and learn how to handle interacting with a cop.]( (Showerthoughts) [\[**300 comments**\]](/r/Showerthoughts/comments/532pg9/drivers_ed_should_include_a_section_where_youre/) 18|+6097|**[YES](/r/undelete/comments/533j0q/176097680_parenting_raww/)** (1)|[Parenting]( (aww) [\[**680 comments**\]](/r/aww/comments/531dnp/parenting/) 19|+5416| |[J. Henderson goal vs Chelsea (0-2)]( (soccer) [\[**1175 comments**\]](/r/soccer/comments/533ozh/j_henderson_goal_vs_chelsea_02/) 20|+2767| |[If you had $1 for every year the universe has existed (approximately 13.8 billion years). You wouldn't even make the top 50 on the Forbes list.]( (Showerthoughts) [\[**183 comments**\]](/r/Showerthoughts/comments/534ovp/if_you_had_1_for_every_year_the_universe_has/) 21|+4744| |[Drone Fishing]( (woahdude) [\[**314 comments**\]](/r/woahdude/comments/533v6r/drone_fishing/) 22|+6039| |[When you accidentally clicked "open in new window" instead of "open in new tab"]( (aww) [\[**480 comments**\]](/r/aww/comments/533j12/when_you_accidentally_clicked_open_in_new_window/) 23|+5856| |[Author runs into burning building to save laptop that contained his two latest novels]( (books) [\[**1375 comments**\]](/r/books/comments/533hqy/author_runs_into_burning_building_to_save_laptop/) 24|+2909| |[We Make Millionaires. [Drawing Thread #23]]( (millionairemakers) [\[**8322 comments**\]](/r/millionairemakers/comments/534i9p/we_make_millionaires_drawing_thread_23/) 25|+4442|**[YES](/r/undelete/comments/533ioj/254442251_this_not_so_subtle_humour_from_one_of/)** (1)|[This not so subtle humour from one of the LEGO Star Wars games]( (StarWars) [\[**251 comments**\]](/r/StarWars/comments/531j3c/this_not_so_subtle_humour_from_one_of_the_lego/) 26|+5730| |[What's your reading comprehension score?]( (iamverysmart) [\[**607 comments**\]](/r/iamverysmart/comments/533fjq/whats_your_reading_comprehension_score/) 27|+3589|**[YES](/r/undelete/comments/5334i6/27358959_falcon_version_of_puppy_dog_eyes_raww/)** (1)|[Falcon Version of Puppy Dog Eyes]( (aww) [\[**59 comments**\]](/r/aww/comments/531ru9/falcon_version_of_puppy_dog_eyes/) 28|+1954| |[Counter-Strike: Global Offensive update for 9/16/16 (9/17/16 UTC,]( (GlobalOffensive) [\[**1046 comments**\]](/r/GlobalOffensive/comments/534vte/counterstrike_global_offensive_update_for_91616/) 29|+3008|**[YES](/r/undelete/comments/5344zz/293008172_lpt_whenever_someone_praises_you_for/)** (2)|[LPT: Whenever someone praises you for something you do well, don't argue about it. Just appreciate it.]( (LifeProTips) [\[**172 comments**\]](/r/LifeProTips/comments/532dcr/lpt_whenever_someone_praises_you_for_something/)

  • Alden Pacocha Reply

    \#|Score|Deleted? (/r/undelete)|Post :--|:--|:--|:--|:-- 1|+5949| |[So where do we meet?]( (pics) [\[**513 comments**\]](/r/pics/comments/53bzh6/so_where_do_we_meet/) 2|+4077| |[Neo 1v5]( (GlobalOffensive) [\[**606 comments**\]](/r/GlobalOffensive/comments/53c74h/neo_1v5/) 3|+4593| |[Mike Pence Says His Role Model for Vice President is Dick Cheney]( (politics) [\[**1037 comments**\]](/r/politics/comments/53c313/mike_pence_says_his_role_model_for_vice_president/) 4|+5391| |[Firing a soccer ball, at 50 mph, out of a cannon from a truck going 50 mph. In other words, cancel momentum.]( (interestingasfuck) [\[**285 comments**\]](/r/interestingasfuck/comments/53bvm9/firing_a_soccer_ball_at_50_mph_out_of_a_cannon/) 5|+7300| |[TIL Indiana construction worker Jason Haney hid a giant ‘Where’s Waldo?’ cutout all over his work site for the children in a nearby hospital to find. Once he received word that they’d found him, he moved Waldo to another location so they could start looking for him again.]( (todayilearned) [\[**468 comments**\]](/r/todayilearned/comments/53bmro/til_indiana_construction_worker_jason_haney_hid_a/) 6|+3701|**[YES](/r/undelete/comments/53bg6c/63701259_this_is_my_very_first_galaxy_painting/)** (1)|[This is my very first galaxy painting and it's something I'm actually proud of.]( (Art) [\[**259 comments**\]](/r/Art/comments/53akpo/this_is_my_very_first_galaxy_painting_and_its/) 7|+5966| |[You can tell when the girls had a sleepover]( (aww) [\[**255 comments**\]](/r/aww/comments/53bmsh/you_can_tell_when_the_girls_had_a_sleepover/) 8|+2659| |[For the first time in 100 years, tiger numbers are growing]( (UpliftingNews) [\[**68 comments**\]](/r/UpliftingNews/comments/53cdyj/for_the_first_time_in_100_years_tiger_numbers_are/) 9|+4666| |[I camped on top of Mount Rundle (top photo yesterday) to capture this sunrise over Kananaskis, Alberta, Canada [OC][2500x1140]]( (EarthPorn) [\[**104 comments**\]](/r/EarthPorn/comments/53bqil/i_camped_on_top_of_mount_rundle_top_photo/) 10|+4663| |[Hong Kong election: ballot papers outnumbered voter turnout in at least 5 polling stations]( (worldnews) [\[**524 comments**\]](/r/worldnews/comments/53bq34/hong_kong_election_ballot_papers_outnumbered/) 11|+2457| |[Good Morning America BTFO by Don Jr.]( (The_Donald) [\[**166 comments**\]](/r/The_Donald/comments/53cdpk/good_morning_america_btfo_by_don_jr/) 12|+4660|**[YES](/r/undelete/comments/53bxmt/124660234_if_at_first_you_dont_succeed_repost_and/)** (1)|[If at first you dont succeed, Repost and insult console gamers]( (pcmasterrace) [\[**234 comments**\]](/r/pcmasterrace/comments/53acgq/if_at_first_you_dont_succeed_repost_and_insult/) 13|+5482| |[Fly stuck in the trampoline net.]( (mildlyinteresting) [\[**442 comments**\]](/r/mildlyinteresting/comments/53bjm2/fly_stuck_in_the_trampoline_net/) 14|+4211|**[YES](/r/undelete/comments/53cfwq/144211559_redditor_gives_an_account_of_nyc/)** (1)|[Redditor gives an account of NYC explosion while he was eating nearby at Outback Steakhouse. Most comments rag on him for eating at Outback Steakhouse while in NYC]( (bestof) [\[**559 comments**\]](/r/bestof/comments/53b4ml/redditor_gives_an_account_of_nyc_explosion_while/) 15|+5432|**[YES](/r/undelete/comments/53b82c/145432128_proper_use_of_a_selfie_stick_rgifs/)** (1)|[Proper use of a selfie stick]( (gifs) [\[**128 comments**\]](/r/gifs/comments/539idj/proper_use_of_a_selfie_stick/) 16|+6370| |[Skiing in LED Lightsuits at Night in Alaska]( (gifs) [\[**340 comments**\]](/r/gifs/comments/53bg49/skiing_in_led_lightsuits_at_night_in_alaska/) 17|+2762| |[Post-Match Thread: Watford 3-1 Manchester United [Premier League]]( (soccer) [\[**1876 comments**\]](/r/soccer/comments/53c1aw/postmatch_thread_watford_31_manchester_united/) 18|+4993| |["Duck Hunt", AUGMENTED Reality]( (gaming) [\[**308 comments**\]](/r/gaming/comments/53bjc5/duck_hunt_augmented_reality/) 19|+5757|**[YES](/r/undelete/comments/53bpoc/195757727_i_own_a_bottle_of_kokakola_from_the/)** (1)|[I own a bottle of Koka-Kola from the Soviet Union.]( (mildlyinteresting) [\[**727 comments**\]](/r/mildlyinteresting/comments/539gfo/i_own_a_bottle_of_kokakola_from_the_soviet_union/) 20|+3188|**[YES](/r/undelete/comments/53b3yl/193188259_probably_my_most_awkward_moment_ever_i/)** (1)|[Probably my most awkward moment. Ever. I felt like such an ass]( (cringepics) [\[**259 comments**\]](/r/cringepics/comments/539r9h/probably_my_most_awkward_moment_ever_i_felt_like/) 21|+2604| |[Whale Shark takes back his meal from the Fisherman]( (natureismetal) [\[**109 comments**\]](/r/natureismetal/comments/53c1ho/whale_shark_takes_back_his_meal_from_the_fisherman/) 22|+3129| |[If you trigger your widow ult in the middle of a grapple jump, the grapple will be re-thrown]( (Overwatch) [\[**205 comments**\]](/r/Overwatch/comments/53boy6/if_you_trigger_your_widow_ult_in_the_middle_of_a/) 23|+3385| |[As a 5-year-old, it made sense]( (AdviceAnimals) [\[**51 comments**\]](/r/AdviceAnimals/comments/53bktm/as_a_5yearold_it_made_sense/) 24|+2673|**[YES](/r/undelete/comments/53c3an/242673178_galapagos_tortoise_fathers_800_saves/)** (1)|[Galapagos tortoise fathers 800, saves species]( (UpliftingNews) [\[**178 comments**\]](/r/UpliftingNews/comments/53amyq/galapagos_tortoise_fathers_800_saves_species/) 25|+1893|**[YES](/r/undelete/comments/53bjpn/25189370_thick_solid_tight_potato_480x640/)** (1)|[Thick. Solid. Tight. Potato. [480x640]]( (FoodPorn) [\[**70 comments**\]](/r/FoodPorn/comments/53alzz/thick_solid_tight_potato_480x640/) 26|+4698|**[YES](/r/undelete/comments/53b8d5/25469844_i_catch_you_i_catch_you_rgifs/)** (1)|[I catch you, I catch you!]( (gifs) [\[**44 comments**\]](/r/gifs/comments/5392d6/i_catch_you_i_catch_you/) 27|+2918| |[Red Diver, Illustrator]( (Art) [\[**57 comments**\]](/r/Art/comments/53bmdw/red_diver_illustrator/) 28|+6315| |[What my 2 year old daughter chose for her Halloween costume.]( (funny) [\[**687 comments**\]](/r/funny/comments/53b1az/what_my_2_year_old_daughter_chose_for_her/) 29|+3571| |[Open/Close]( (woahdude) [\[**54 comments**\]](/r/woahdude/comments/53bg67/openclose/)

  • Clyde Bechtelar Reply

    Article (long) part 2: The plan was for Michigan fans to shower their late-blooming prodigy with the love he'd never quite received when he wore the maize and blue. Perhaps, on some level, his suspension could be a blessing, an opportunity, a chance to bring him back into the Michigan family. He'd visited campus in February, for Michigan's Signing of the Stars, an event to introduce the Wolverines' incoming recruiting class, but according to someone briefed on the trip, it ended on an awkward note when someone from the school's fundraising department, unaware of Brady's complicated history with his alma mater, asked if he would be interested in donating a substantial sum to the school. Harbaugh, when he learned about the exchange, was livid. The Michigan community wanted to do it right this time. It rounded up some of Brady's closest friends and former teammates, and reached out. Loyalty has always been important in Brady's life. How about the Colorado game in Week 3? "We had to go kind of rogue to get it done," said Todd Anson, a prominent Michigan booster. "But it was important, because we knew Tom felt estranged from the program." In a bit of a surprise, Brady accepted. This is how Brady came to be standing on the 5-yard line of an empty Michigan Stadium on a Friday afternoon with a football in his hands. He'd brought his 9-year-old son, Jack, along for the trip, and was eager, according to a friend, for the two of them to spend a special weekend together since Jack lives primarily with his mom, actress Bridget Moynahan. One of the first places father and son went was the stadium, the Big House. In the late-afternoon light, Brady gently lofted passes to his son, including one in the end zone that Jack caught as he was tumbling to the ground. Brady, giddy with pride, raised his hands in the air to signal a touchdown and jogged toward Jack. The boy scampered to his feet, paused, then dabbed like Cam Newton just before his smiling father embraced him, lifting him off the ground. This, too, would be filed away, another Michigan memory. A new one. Later that night, Brady's friends kept texting him, trying to get him to come out to the Pizza House, one of his old haunts. He politely declined. Eventually, he agreed to let them bring some food by his hotel. He spent his first evening back in Ann Arbor in 16 years nibbling on a chipati -- a salad stuffed inside some pita bread, a Pizza House special -- and playing board games with his son. He returned to the stadium the next afternoon, game day, trying to look inconspicuous in dark sunglasses and a blue, half-zip Michigan pullover, but it was easy to spot the four-time Super Bowl winner. He lingered in the parking lot, waiting in a massive, cherry red Chevy Suburban for 20 minutes, before seeming to concede that the small swarm of media eager to document his arrival was not going away. He opened his door, offered a polite movie star wave to a large group of fans gathered on the steps of the stadium, and then walked briskly past the cameras and handshakes and autograph seekers without stopping. He said nothing, but flashed a cagey, aristocratic smile. During pregame warm-ups, Brady milled through the crowd on the field, shaking hands like a politician, crouching down low to pose for pictures with groups of kids, laughing and pointing as he spotted old friends. Brady even posed for a selfie with Miami Dolphins owner Stephen Ross, a prominent Michigan alum and donor. Ross said he was texting the picture to Patriots owner Robert Kraft. "Everyone who meets him gets that look that 16-year-old girls had the first time they saw the Beatles," Flannelly said. "But he's so disarming. He gets people to relax. He could talk to anybody. He could fix the Middle East. You put him in the room with the Arabs and the Jews and he would get them talking until they figure it out." "I think I want to be a soccer player." Brady's son, Jack, asked if he'd rather be a quarterback or wide receiver Jack Brady, dressed in a gray Under Armour shirt with a Superman logo, flitted about with a smile on his face, rarely taking his eyes off his father. At one point, according to someone who heard the exchange, one of Brady's friends asked Jack if he wanted to be a quarterback or a wide receiver when he grew up. Jack thought about it for a second, then delivered an answer that made everyone -- his father included -- laugh. I think I want to be a soccer player, he said. Harbaugh's plan was to have Brady address his team prior to kickoff, let him deliver a rousing pregame speech about what it meant to be a Michigan man. But first, the head coach wanted something for himself. He wanted to stand on the field where both of them had been once been Wolverines quarterbacks and, during pregame warm-ups, have a game of catch. They started 10 yards apart -- two ornery, venerated Michigan quarterbacks from different generations -- grinning as they flipped the ball back and forth, a scene that looked like a lost page of Wolverines fan fiction. Tom Brady plays catch with Michigan head coach Jim Harbaugh before the Wolverines' game against Colorado on Saturday. Lon Horwedel/Icon Sportswire Brady's throwing motion, even in a casual setting, is textbook perfect, his right elbow tucked, his arms crossing one another with every follow through. Every Harbaugh throw, in contrast, looked creaky, his 52-year-old body twisting and straining to match the effortless zip of Brady's throws. But Harbaugh kept backing up, first to 15 yards, then 20 (then 25!), admitting later he was unable to resist making it a competition. "When I look back on my career of playing catch with people, that was right up there with my dad," Harbaugh said later. "Tom has a good arm. He throws such a good ball. That ball almost catches itself. I wish I wouldn't have given him the wind." Brady asked that no cameras be present in the room when he spoke to the team. He wanted to feel free to speak from the heart. According to those who heard his speech, Brady talked primarily about tradition, about what it meant to wear maize and blue. "It was a chilling speech," said defensive lineman Ryan Glasgow. "It made the hair on the back of your neck stand up." "It made me realize maybe the greatest quarterback of all time was saying that I represent him." Michigan quarterback Wilton Speight He went around the room and singled out each position, asking them to stand and look around the room and remember that they weren't playing just for themselves. They were playing for every great player who played their position or wore their number over the years. They were playing for Desmond Howard and Tyrone Wheatley and Braylon Edwards and Charles Woodson and, yes, even Tom Brady. "It made me realize maybe the greatest quarterback of all time was saying that I represent him," said Michigan quarterback Wilton Speight. "That got me in the mindset that I wanted to go out and play even better than he ever did." When he finished, the entire room erupted. Just before the pregame coin flip, as Brady stood near the Wolverines sideline next to Michigan tight end Jake Butt, the school began showing a video of highlights from Brady's college career. He stood and watched, swaying in place, his hands clasped behind his back, gazing up at the 4,000-square-foot scoreboard, looking both appreciative and wistful. It was clear he was reliving old throws in his mind, retracing the lines of faded memories. He turned and waved to the crowd as fans roared with gratitude, then spun in a slow circle to acknowledge the whole stadium, soaking up love from some of the same people who once withheld it. He kept his designer sunglasses on, a friend later speculated, as an emotional suit of armor. He didn't want anyone to know if his eyes welled up with tears.

  • Ariel Ryan Reply

    I have a ton of slightly* remarkable stories. One of my favorites yet also the most painful to remember is... My churches youth group met in the sanctuary which was converted from a gymnasium/rec center. It was big enough for soccer/basketball and floor hockey with room for spectators. Basically, it's pretty big. We always cleared some of the cushy chairs out of the way for games of soccer and touch football, etc. Anyways, one night I'm standing with some of my friends near the back of the sanctuary and on the opposite side (maybe 150 ft) away there was a small group of people chatting away. In this group were two close friends of mine (Rachel. A girl about 3 years older) and the youth pastor (guy in his 30's). I'm tossing around a ball about twice the size of a softball. It's bouncy and plastic/rubbery. I can easily palm it in one hand. The group Rachel and the pastor are in start taking pictures. This is back in the day before iPhones and whatnot so they're using digital cameras. You have to turn the camera around so the lens is facing you. So Rachel and the youth pastor get set to take a take a selfie and without an instants hesitation I hurled the ball as hard as I possibly could towards them. This was one of those moments where you knew shit was destined for brilliance. Time slowed down for the 2/3 seconds the ball sailed in the air before connecting with the side of her face warping her jaw and cheek into a mush of blubber at the EXACT moment the flash on the camera went off. I exploded into a FUCK YEAH! Did a little hop of excitement before realizing that most everyone was confused/pissed off at me for throwing a ball at someones face. They didn't see the flash/understand the timing and accuracy/significance of the feat I had just accomplished so I had to tone my excitement down and feign some concern as I ran over with fingers crossed that I had created a masterpiece rivaling the womans' face in Picasso's "Dora Maar au Chat." The crushing downfall: while I'm on my way over she deletes the photo because she was a teenage girl who instantly deleted any photo depicting her as even remotely unattractive. I couldn't believe it and (in my opinion) became justifiably mad at her. Fuck her face-pain. That was a once in a fucking lifetime photo! I yelled at her for not at least letting me see my splendid creation. Even the youth pastor was like "yeah, that was pretty remarkable." Her face-pain healed. My sorrow lingers. TL;DR: girl got pissed at me for throwing a ball at her face right as she took a selfie. I got pissed at girl for deleting said photo before I could see it.

  • Alyson Morissette Reply

    I loved the Man U one for [this comment alone]( A real work of art. >Every kid who grew up in the UK from the early 90s until very recently, no matter their location, had United fans in their class group. Going on about their trophies and their good players. How they were a special, the Trafford 'More than a Club'. >United fans will accuse City fans and Chelsea fans of being plastic when they were one of the first clubs to hollow out football, corporatise it, sanitise it, turn it into the corporate driven shell it is now where their fans agonise over noodle deals and boast about their financial wealth through Ed Woodward like Trimalchio at his dinner. The hypocrisy of United fans moaning about Man City's atmosphere when 'prawn sandwich brigade' was coined to sum up their iPad-touting, selfie-stick supporters with their Selfridges bags is not unnoticed. >The last few years when winning has been a struggle has seen a kind of martyrdom from their supporters, as if their massive transfer fees not fully working give them some sort of sympathy. All this has done has turned them into slightly more obnoxious Arsenal fans. The fact they've allied behind a manager whom had a meltdown live on TV after Steven Davies embarrassed his coterie of Russian-financed matrioshka dolls and a player whose outbursts have made him a meme for pudgy slightly racist 14 year old videogamers show their desperation.

  • Otis Wintheiser Reply

    I've only gone out with one woman who didn't have any full body pics, though she appeared normal weight based on the shoulders/neck. She had three potato pics of poor quality, one was a shitty selfie with sunglasses, a blurry club photo, and some kind of candid shot where she was looking away. We messaged for a *long* time before meeting, like three weeks of long messages, and texting up to the night before our date (which, in hindsight, was her wanting me to come meet her out - she was begging for it and I couldn't even see it - 'cause I was at home getting high). So, all that is to say I wasn't expecting much, it was going to be like my second date since starting the online thing and I was still just figuring things out with no expectations. Anyway I show up a little early and wait for her. And she shows up and... holy shit she is stunning. Physically she couldn't have been more my type and I was totally taken aback. Former D1 soccer player body and gorgeous but with a cute edge. How I wish I didn't come across that profile a few months later, because she ghosted on me after the date.

  • Hassie Leannon Reply

    > Off topic, but what's being a security guard like in Germany? Mostly boring/exhausting. 85% of security is being idle - depending on the job standing, sitting or walking around. Craziest thing is the literally crazy, or drugged people. If they're too stoned to leave, or getting aggressive, we call the cops and let them handle it. Not much happening here. > In the US, security guards have a weird reputation for mostly just offering "security theater." That's pretty much what we do as well. Our main benefit is that we see things and then inform people likely to actually do something, but by ourselves, we're really just making people feel better. I mean, before soccer games, we confiscate selfie sticks. This is not a joke, we actually do that. For some people, it's probably different (think bouncers, or the city train guards), but for most of us, it's just lots of nothing. And if we suspected some guy has a knife and is likely to use it, we'd bounce the job off to the cops.

  • Sidney Quigley Reply

    Hmm, I am taking a shot at the relevancy of the Harambe Meme as it is now so past relevant its badly outdated like selfie sticks, Myspace and pokemon Go. My point was showing the irony in saying your doing something because it is relevant, when its actually the opposite of relevant. Its like someones mom, calling saying " honey i finally broke down and joined the technology savvy and got a smart phone" and you find out they bought a flip phone from walmart. Also it wasn't a vigil, it was marketing to put butt sinto a seat for a soccer game.

  • Chasity Zulauf Reply

    \#|Score|Deleted? (/r/undelete)|Post :--|:--|:--|:--|:-- 1|+5341|**[YES](/r/undelete/comments/4u7luo/153411885_for_an_adult_cartoon_ive_found_that_ive/)** (0)|[For an "adult cartoon" I've found that I've enjoyed Family Guy less and less as I've grown older]( (Showerthoughts) [\[**1885 comments**\]](/r/Showerthoughts/comments/4u6lf8/for_an_adult_cartoon_ive_found_that_ive_enjoyed/) 2|+5152| |[Four teenage boys have worn skirts to school in protest at being disciplined for wearing shorts on the hottest day]( (news) [\[**999 comments**\]](/r/news/comments/4u88pe/four_teenage_boys_have_worn_skirts_to_school_in/) 3|+5727| |[Soccer selfie]( (gifs) [\[**388 comments**\]](/r/gifs/comments/4u7z20/soccer_selfie/) 4|+6655| |[Before the dog park annnnddd after 😁]( (aww) [\[**297 comments**\]](/r/aww/comments/4u7sg2/before_the_dog_park_annnnddd_after/) 5|+3564|**[YES](/r/undelete/comments/4u8nk5/53564194_more_practical_pokemongo_loading_screens/)** (0)|[More practical Pokemongo Loading Screens]( (gaming) [\[**194 comments**\]](/r/gaming/comments/4u86ak/more_practical_pokemongo_loading_screens/) 6|+2318|**[YES](/r/undelete/comments/4u7bbl/52318220_guy_paints_over_graffiti_with_a_more/)** (0)|[Guy paints over graffiti with a more legible font]( (mildlyinteresting) [\[**220 comments**\]](/r/mildlyinteresting/comments/4u6xu3/guy_paints_over_graffiti_with_a_more_legible_font/) 7|+5738|**[YES](/r/undelete/comments/4u6s0l/65738699_fingerless_gloves_are_now_perfectly/)** (0)|[Fingerless gloves are now perfectly sensible for Pokémon trainers to wear.]( (Showerthoughts) [\[**699 comments**\]](/r/Showerthoughts/comments/4u50ab/fingerless_gloves_are_now_perfectly_sensible_for/) 8|+4321|**[YES](/r/undelete/comments/4u8fnc/8432167_a_magikarp_just_ran_from_me_this_is_how_i/)** (0)|[A Magikarp just ran from me, this is how I imagine it happened.]( (pokemongo) [\[**67 comments**\]](/r/pokemongo/comments/4u6yql/a_magikarp_just_ran_from_me_this_is_how_i_imagine/) 9|+5026| |[Kabul, Afghanistan, 1972]( (OldSchoolCool) [\[**1228 comments**\]](/r/OldSchoolCool/comments/4u7y2e/kabul_afghanistan_1972/) 10|+7322| |[This guy gets it]( (funny) [\[**1808 comments**\]](/r/funny/comments/4u7vuh/this_guy_gets_it/) 11|+3982| |[Utah: Trump 29, Clinton 27, Johnson 26]( (politics) [\[**1085 comments**\]](/r/politics/comments/4u8209/utah_trump_29_clinton_27_johnson_26/) 12|+4357| |[OC. Imagine being buried alive while completely paralyzed, only to find a monster in your dark coffin that will eat you alive over the course of weeks. The Scelipron Destillatorium. Multi phobia trigger warning.]( (WTF) [\[**630 comments**\]](/r/WTF/comments/4u7x05/oc_imagine_being_buried_alive_while_completely/) 13|+837|**[YES](/r/undelete/comments/4u89cv/13837136_will_eu_playoffs_be_bo4_rleagueoflegends/)** (1)|[Will EU playoffs be bo4?]( (leagueoflegends) [\[**136 comments**\]](/r/leagueoflegends/comments/4u7wd4/will_eu_playoffs_be_bo4/) 14|+3432|**[YES](/r/undelete/comments/4u6sdy/143432425_14_year_old_genius_too_busy_to_be/)** (0)|[14 year old genius too busy to be president]( (iamverysmart) [\[**425 comments**\]](/r/iamverysmart/comments/4u4yn4/14_year_old_genius_too_busy_to_be_president/) 15|+6247| |["You won't leave me, will you?"]( (pics) [\[**366 comments**\]](/r/pics/comments/4u7nbq/you_wont_leave_me_will_you/) 16|+2938| |[siren's song]( (comics) [\[**35 comments**\]](/r/comics/comments/4u85k6/sirens_song/) 17|+1668|**[YES](/r/undelete/comments/4u8kc5/17166886_well_this_isnt_smart_rcrappydesign/)** (0)|[Well this isn't "SMART"]( (CrappyDesign) [\[**86 comments**\]](/r/CrappyDesign/comments/4u7pra/well_this_isnt_smart/) 18|+4596| |[For all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God]( (BlackPeopleTwitter) [\[**212 comments**\]](/r/BlackPeopleTwitter/comments/4u7kms/for_all_have_sinned_and_fall_short_of_the_glory/) 19|+3132| |[Remember How 'Morning Joe', Once Sympathetic To Sanders & Trump, Suddenly Flipped A 180 And Shilled For Hillary? Welp, That's 'Cause Debbie Wasserman Schultz Called MSNBC And Said: "SHUT IT DOWN."]( (The_Donald) [\[**200 comments**\]](/r/The_Donald/comments/4u7unl/remember_how_morning_joe_once_sympathetic_to/) 20|+1985| |[Sign in an underwater cave (from r/ScarySigns)]( (creepy) [\[**240 comments**\]](/r/creepy/comments/4u8aed/sign_in_an_underwater_cave_from_rscarysigns/) 21|+3656|**[YES](/r/undelete/comments/4u7svi/213656438_my_sister_sent_me_a_picture_of_the/)** (0)|[My sister sent me a picture of the bathroom at her work.]( (WTF) [\[**438 comments**\]](/r/WTF/comments/4u5so3/my_sister_sent_me_a_picture_of_the_bathroom_at/) 22|+2901| |[Found this listing on Trademe (New Zealand Craigslist)]( (pcmasterrace) [\[**73 comments**\]](/r/pcmasterrace/comments/4u7ra3/found_this_listing_on_trademe_new_zealand/) 23|+3453| |[I just know someday she'll hand me one I can't open]( (AdviceAnimals) [\[**205 comments**\]](/r/AdviceAnimals/comments/4u7map/i_just_know_someday_shell_hand_me_one_i_cant_open/) 24|+6466| |[Great Barrier Reef Undergoing a 'Complete Ecosystem Collapse,' Scientists Say]( (worldnews) [\[**2933 comments**\]](/r/worldnews/comments/4u727p/great_barrier_reef_undergoing_a_complete/) 25|+2470| |[Munich gunman was obsessed with mass shootings. No known links to ISIS.]( (europe) [\[**1149 comments**\]](/r/europe/comments/4u7qke/munich_gunman_was_obsessed_with_mass_shootings_no/) 26|+2840| |[When you live in the suburbs but still wanna be the very best.]( (pokemongo) [\[**126 comments**\]](/r/pokemongo/comments/4u7lwm/when_you_live_in_the_suburbs_but_still_wanna_be/) 27|+2561|**[YES](/r/undelete/comments/4u7334/272561264_debbie_wasserman_schultz_the_chair_of/)** (1)|[Debbie Wasserman Schultz, the chair of the Democratic National Committee, was furious when she was criticized by MSNBC host Mika Brzezinski. Wasserman Schultz called for Brzezinski to “apologize” and told her co-worker Chuck Todd “this must stop.” The DNC chair even ...]( (politics) [\[**264 comments**\]](/r/politics/comments/4u5vus/debbie_wasserman_schultz_the_chair_of_the/) 28|+2467|**[YES](/r/undelete/comments/4u71ck/282467138_wasd_keys_explained_rpcmasterrace/)** (0)|[WASD keys explained]( (pcmasterrace) [\[**138 comments**\]](/r/pcmasterrace/comments/4u5dog/wasd_keys_explained/) 29|+2320| |[Hayden Panettiere]( (gentlemanboners) [\[**195 comments**\]](/r/gentlemanboners/comments/4u7qw0/hayden_panettiere/)

  • Luella Mertz Reply

    *I typed up a response before I saw yours so I'll post it here so as not to clutter the subreddit.* Millennials are not the worst. I should know – I am one. At 27, I'm thankfully in the middle of the world's most educated, worldly and misunderstood age group. And I'm perfectly fine with it. Imagine being lumped into a group by one self-hating member who not only longs for a past that no longer exists, but romanticizes this past that was never as great as he imagines. “A straw man argument” this writer professes at the droning of the anti-millennial Oleksinski who has created a non-existent ideal type of a millennial to attack from the safety of his cubicle. Insulting Reddit as an online platform is nothing short of irony since Oleksinski might be swayed of his cynicism with a quick visit to /r/lewronggeneration where his post has been quickly mocked for the self-aggrandizing drivel that it truly is. 2016 has been … well pretty much like most recent years for our generation. While Oleksinski cites a few examples of individuals who might further his lost cause, little else has changed in 2016 from 2015 as though the world keeps on turning in spite of Oleksinski's doom-and-gloom perspective. And then entered the Sanderistas. I have been a fan of Senator Sanders for quite some time and happily donated to his campaign on day one. Fueled by a youth vote that turned out in droves, Sanders went from an irrelevant fringe candidate to a formidable mainstream opponent for the supposedly pre-annointed Democratic nominee in Mrs. Clinton. But where Oleksinski sees complaining and whining, I see millennials spending time, effort and money to fight for a candidate who speaks to their concerns the same way the the youth of 2008 voted for President Obama. Recently a comment from a colleague hit Oleksinski but certainly, this comment is unverifiable and serves only to support a man's desperate plea for attention. Like someone who is crying for help, Oleksinski feels powerless and without the support of a group like Alcoholics Anonymous that might actually show Oleksinski a better view of the world. Someone, anyone, please tell Oleksinski he matters! People like Oleksinski are not called “old souls.” They are called bitter and lost. Oleksinski champions commuting to a physical office and chastises an entire borough of nearly 2.6 million people. This is not contentment because someone who is actually “content” would not spill so much ink complaining. In fact why should we be content? Why must we – millennials – settle for the “contentment” that Oleksinski has chosen for us rather than fighting for and creating our own world? Because this way, Oleksinski can have his cake and eat it too. If we lay back and take it with a vow of silence, we're “lazy and complacent.” If we stand up and fight back for better wages or affordable housing, then we're “entitled.” There is no satisfying Oleksinski who speaks from both sides of his mouth. Oleksinski shuns those who enjoy “Saved by the Bell” while “Fuller House” rages on as one of the most watched shows on Netflix. This isn't the legitimate complaint of a man who sees laziness but the shallow mockery of the new generation by a quasi-hipster who hates everything that might be construed as fun. I'm sure Oleksinski would much prefer to watch “Mad Men” and idealize a generation of higher crime rates, higher corruption, racism and misogyny since in his perspective, the past that he likes is tolerable (long commutes and dive bars) but the past he dislikes (Dunkaroos of all things) are childish and unbecoming of adults. “What's your brand?,” he claims that millennial employers ask. Who asks this? I have a job and I have friends with jobs and believe me, I've never heard anybody asked such a ludicrous question. While Oleksinski states that millennials brand themselves online, Oleksinski has branded himself as one who stereotypes by suggesting that we – an entire generation – associate ourselves with trivialities. Oleksinski claims that he speaks to strangers at bars and that millennials are never as interesting as they appear. The real question is “Who is Oleksinski speaking to?” I am a 27 year old PhD student who studies political science and has a wide array of interests from music to animation to philosophy to religion to sports. My friends range from gym teachers to entrepreneurs who are opening their own breweries to lawyers and brokers. In fact, I went to my Facebook newsfeed (because I'm a lazy millennial) and peers from my high school graduating class are respectively firefighters, teachers, members of the U.S. Coast Guard, personal trainers and realtors. Others work for major companies but don't have their job titles listed. Lazy? I think not. We have interests in sports such as baseball, basketball, football, hockey and soccer. We have a taste for craft beer and we happen to be pretty knowledgeable about the subject. We listen to The Beatles, Pink Floyd, Michael Jackson, Prince, Imagine Dragons, Drake and yes, even Kanye West. We do very similar things to our parents and to their parents but instead of swapping records, we have an endless catalog of music at our fingertips. This is a pretty great time to be alive! Our social awkwardness that Oleksinski describes is simply a figment of his imagination. We should be thankful that Oleksinski has offered us unsolicited job seeking advice! Of course, we must speak to people but we should not dare speak about things that are important to us such as the news that buzzed on our phones about global unrest or heaven forbid a sports tidbit. Our travel experiences are not important and while we should be worldly, that hypothetical trip to Portugal should be exhumed from our memories the moment we land back in the good ol' USA. Make sure it impacted you, but never speak about it again! Millennials are serial job hoppers. According to Oleksinski, it's again attributed to our desire for immediate gratification or other continuous unrest; “binge-working” he calls it. Maybe our low wages, long commutes (because our low wages prevent us from finding better housing options), long hours and limited benefits are unsatisfying? Oleksinski bemoans us not to desire work-life balances that make us happy since he wishes us to all be just like him – bitter. Of course I'd like to make the same amount and not commute. Typing pantsless from my desk sounds much better than taking a bus to a subway to transfer to a second subway (which was my commute to college). If I'm equally as productive from my couch, why should I fight to work a borough away? Here are Oleksinski's solutions – stop complaining. We shouldn't blame the banks that nearly collapsed our economy and that give us nearly no interest on our savings accounts. We should smile and accept them as they are. Don't blame your parents. I don't see many people blaming parents but hey, why wouldn't Oleksinski throw in another straw man argument since his diatribe is full of them? Don't blame your employer! Just be happy that you have any job at all! It doesn't matter how little they pay, how demeaning the work is or how limited your options are for mobility. Just suck it up and work until you die! Don't blame the economy! Years of recession that are finally turning around are just something that, in Oleksinski's mind, appear to be part of the process of becoming a “real adult.” We are not “absolving ourselves of responsibility.” We are doing what we can to progress in our lives in spite of the hurdles that Oleksinski has apparently never faced. Yet Oleksinski seems to be so far removed from the actual problems of his generation that it is not surprising that he would ignore the realities of our situation (college debt, skyrocketing housing costs, limited high-paying jobs in spite of our education) and shift the blame to the victims of policies that predate us. Second solution – talk to people. Oleksinski calls us “insular” while we are actually the most interconnected generation in history. In the past, people only interacted with those closest to themselves. With technology, I can speak to people all over the planet at any given time. Oleksinski thinks that we choose to limit our viewpoints and yet, we have never been more exposed to more ideas than at this very moment. Sure, they might come from someone on the internet, but please, Oleksinski, tell me how else I can meet people from Sweden, Mexico, Australia and China all in one conversation. Third solution – stop waiting for something big to happen. Like what? What are we waiting for? We go or went to school. We apply for jobs and many of us work. We fight for causes and beliefs close to us. Thanks for not even offering a single example here. Solid journalism! In the end, Oleksinski is the worst of a generation; so ingrained in it that he can't see that he has become oblivious to the world around him and is insufferable in his complaining. Oleksinski stereotypes an entire generation as selfie-obsessed, shallow and self-righteous. Instead, we shouldn't look at ourselves, but rather we should look at him and mirror his life. “Everyone is wrong and I am right” screams Oleksinski's rant. Maybe we're not boring or dull. Maybe he is. Maybe we don't whine and complain nearly as much as he does. Maybe we don't think we're so high and mighty. Then again, maybe we do. But at least not as much as Oleksinski does.

  • Amiya Crist Reply

    Not FD, but airline check-in agent. We have our fair share of famous people, but I always try to keep it cool. That being said, one day I checked a retired soccer player, who used to be the goal keeper of our National Team. I was a HUGE fan when I was a kid, so I finished the usual procedures, and then asked to shake the handd that gave us the Xth World Cup. He obliged, and seemed pretty happy =D I also acted as translator for Jethro Tull when they boarded, but this time I was able to keep it cool, cause I saw they were really tired from their concert the previous night (it was an early flight). Another time, I was leaving work, and pretty much bumped on my favourote Drag Queen (she was travelling with another airline). I fangirled SO HARD, talked to her for what it felt like ages, and she was s sweet (just like she was on TV >.<). Then she oferred to take a selfie with me, and I had to ask to one of her companions to take the photo, cause my hands were shaking too much.

  • Wyatt Pagac Reply

    Nah... selfie tennis is still the closest thing we have to a tennis game... I know tennis would be kinda tricky to play considering the space needed... but I have an idea... Underwater tennis... This would allow the ball to slow down as it approaches giving the players more time to orient themselves to return it... and use teleport or artificial swimming movement to get around the court... Would be freaking awesome... kinda like that underwater soccer game they played in final fantasy...

  • Armand Witting Reply

    HONG KONG — For teenagers who like to sing along with Ariana Grande and Flo Rida, is a must-have. The app that lets users lip-sync and dance in their own music videos boasts 100 million users and partners with pop stars like Ms. Grande and Meghan Trainor. It’s not easy to tell is Chinese — and that’s deliberate. To find success in America, its parent company has ignored China, its home market and a country with 700 million internet users. The reason is simple, says Alex Zhu, co-founder of Shanghai-based China’s internet is fundamentally different from the one used in much of the rest of the world. “It’s still very difficult to get into China,” said Mr. Zhu, who studied civil engineering at Zhejiang University in the eastern city of Hangzhou. “It’s a closed environment, and you have to be quite different to compete in that market.” Two decades after Beijing began walling off its homegrown internet from the rest of the planet, the digital world has split between China and everybody else. That has prevented American technology companies like Facebook and Uber, which recently agreed to sell its China operations, from independently being able to tap the Chinese market. For China’s web companies, the divide may have even more significant implications. It has penned in the country’s biggest and most innovative internet companies. Alibaba, Baidu and Tencent have grown to be some of the world’s largest internet companies, but they rely almost entirely on domestic businesses. Their ventures abroad have been mostly desultory, and prognostications that they will challenge American giants internationally have not materialized. Alex Zhu, co-founder of, in a meeting with staff members at the company’s offices in Shanghai. GILLES SABRIE FOR THE NEW YORK TIMES For Chinese web start-ups like, the internet split has also forced them to choose — either create something that caters to China’s digital population or focus on the rest of the globe. In many ways, the split is like 19th century railroads in the United States, when rails of different sizes hindered a train’s ability to go from one place to another. “The barrier to entering the U.S. or China market is becoming higher and higher,” said Kai-fu Lee, a venture investor from Taiwan and former head of Google China. The difficulties that China’s internet companies face in expanding their success abroad are epitomized by WeChat, the messaging app owned by Tencent. In China, WeChat combines e-commerce and real-world services in ways that have Western companies playing catch-up. It has about 700 million users, most of whom are Chinese or use it to connect with people in China. In 2012, armed with a cash stockpile of several hundred million dollars, the world soccer star Lionel Messi as a spokesman and local ads like Bollywood-inspired commercials in India, Tencent began a push that executives said would be its best chance of breaking out of China. The effort flopped. Critics pointed to Tencent’s lack of distinctive marketing, a record of censorship and surveillance in China and its late arrival to foreign markets. Yet the biggest problem was that outside of China, WeChat was just not the same. Within China, WeChat can be used to do almost everything, like pay bills, hail a taxi, book a doctor’s appointment, share photos and chat. Yet its ability to do that is dependent on other Chinese internet services that are limited outside the country. That leaves WeChat outside China as an app that people mostly use to chat and share photos — not that different from WhatsApp and Messenger, which are both owned by Facebook. Baidu and Alibaba have apps that similarly offer a range of capabilities, yet are less useful outside China. A screenshot of a video by a popular user of, an app that combines social media and music. GILLES SABRIE FOR THE NEW YORK TIMES The same problem hurts start-ups in China. Those companies start out accustomed to using Chinese internet sites and apps to market and enhance their business. But going abroad means a different world of services to master, such as a solid understanding of Facebook and Google’s platforms and ads, not Baidu’s and Tencent’s. By contrast, chose the opposite approach and linked itself to the most popular social networks in the United States. If someone records an impressively coordinated dance or flawlessly lip-synced song, the person can put it up not just on the app, but also add it to Instagram, send it on WhatsApp or post it to Facebook. That has helped grow naturally to Europe, South America and Southeast Asia, Mr. Zhu said. “The thing about this young generation in the U.S. is, they’re creative,” said Mr. Zhu. “They’ll say, ‘Please follow me on Instagram or Snapchat.’ If your app can attract some people in an age group and make them super excited to share, you will probably grow.” For Cheetah Mobile, a maker of smartphone utility apps based in Beijing whose users are mostly outside China, the solution was finding a steppingstone to the rest of the world. In early 2014, it opened an office in Taiwan, where use of Google and Facebook dominates. That helped it gain employees who intimately understood Facebook, YouTube and other major Western platforms that could be used for advertising. “Taiwan served as a bridge for us across the Pacific to the United States,” said Charles Fan, Cheetah’s chief technology officer. Tencent, Alibaba and Baidu have all opened American offices, but they have mostly turned to investments and acquisitions to gain footholds overseas. Over the last two years, Alibaba has invested in emerging markets, including two online commerce companies, Paytm and Snapdeal, in India. It also spent $1 billion to acquire Lazada, an e-commerce site popular in Southeast Asia. Tencent has been more aggressive in Western markets. In June, it made its largest overseas deal, paying $8.6 billion for Supercell, the Finnish company that created the popular mobile game Clash of Clans. Tencent also has a stake in the games company Activision Blizzard and bought one of the most played games in the world, League of Legends. The Shanghai offices of, a Chinese start-up that chose to build its business abroad. GILLES SABRIE FOR THE NEW YORK TIMES Perhaps the greatest indication of Tencent’s overseas ambitions was a deal that never happened. In 2014, with its global WeChat campaign faltering, it was preparing to start negotiations to bid for WhatsApp when Facebook swooped in, according to a senior Tencent executive who asked for anonymity in discussing corporate strategy. Tencent and Baidu declined to comment. An Alibaba spokeswoman referred to recent remarks by Alibaba’s president, J. Michael Evans, in which he pointed to acquisitions as a way the company was attracting new consumers in developing markets. He also said Alibaba was focused on attracting more foreign businesses to sell on its markets in China. Mr. Lee said it might take a new technological jump for Chinese companies to get a chance at building a platform inside China and internationally. He said Chinese companies could prove competitive in emerging sectors like virtual reality, artificial intelligence and robotics. “I think what might be surprising is, China will catch up rapidly,” he said. “Partly because of Chinese universities, partly because of returnees to China who form a portion of the top engineers in the world.” is in many ways a product of the cultural exchange between the United States and China that Mr. Lee described. Mr. Zhu, 37, graduated from a Chinese university, but moved to the United States with the German software company SAP in 2010. He had the idea for the music app while riding the train from San Francisco to Mountain View, Calif., in a car full of high school students. “Half were listening to music and the other half were using their phone to take photos and add emojis, and they were passing them around,” Mr. Zhu said. Then it hit him: combine the selfie and social media part with the music part and turn it into one product. In 2015, Mr. Zhu moved to Shanghai, where his co-founder has been based since’s 2013 inception. Yet is unlikely to be the social network to link both sides of the Pacific. For the demographic the app is focusing on, it’s far better to be outside its home market, Mr. Zhu said. “Teenagers in the U.S. are a golden audience,” he said. “If you look at China, the teenage culture doesn’t exist — the teens are super busy in school studying for tests, so they don’t have the time and luxury to play social media apps.”

  • Hortense Hintz Reply

    DAY 1 Well shit. It's been about seven hours since she cursed me. What once was blood and bone has been turned to stone. That fucking crone. Strangely enough, it seems I have retained a few of my senses. I can see and hear, though sounds are a bit muffled, and I can't move me eyes. Luckily I am looking straight ahead so I can observe most of my immediate surroundings, which consists of three trees, some undergrowth, and a medium-sized boulder. I can't move, yet a bird perched on my stone cock and took a shit, and I could feel a faint warmth when it landed, so I can still feel. The birds feet tickled me and inside the rocky recesses of my head I screamed and screamed. To have an itch and be unable to scratch it, for all of eternity... I suppose I should explain how I look. Statue-wise, I mean. I was finishing up a piss, standing at the edge of the tree line. I'd been drinking at a nearby bar and was stumbling my way home when nature called. So I did my business and started to shake the leftover piss out when I heard a loud popping sound, and in front of me she appeared. She was middle-aged and thin as can be, like dangerously anorexic-level thin. There were no warts on her face, no long and crooked nose, no giant black hat (though in retrospect, had she been wearing a giant black hat, perhaps this would have gone down differently). Outwardly she looked like a soccer mom, aside from my fresh urine dripping down her head and staining her white sweater. Our eyes locked, a cold chill swept over my body, and the damage was done. Quick as you like, I had been cursed. Bitch never even gave me the chance to apologize. She never said a word during our brief encounter, but before she left she pulled out her cell phone and took a selfie with me. She looked at the picture, giggles, and held the phone up to me. I see that I will permanently have a perplexed look on my face, eyebrows furled and mouth half open. This is unfortunately not the worst part, and she knows this. She zooms in on my lower half and I am appalled to find that, on account of being turned to stone in the midst of vigorously shaking the pee off, my penis is curved upwards. To illustrate: here is the capital letter J - now rotate this letter J ninety degrees clockwise, and you have an eerily accurate portrayal of my manhood. I am Jack's everlasting embarrassment. Hunters mount the heads of their kills on walls, parents garnish their refrigerators with the ribbons and artwork of their children, serial killers hide tokens of their victims, and the witch of West Garden Springs keeps a selfie photo album of her trophies. She giggled again, turned, and disappeared into the trees. I am left alone, a silent stone sentry with only my thoughts for companionship. I wonder how long it will be until I go insane. An hour passes. I hear laughter from behind me, off in the distance but growing louder. A group of girls, from the sound of it. I am maybe ten or fifteen yards away from the road, but since I had walked a little ways into the trees for some privacy, I don't get my hopes up that they will notice me. They are passing right behind me now. "Rachellllll I hafta peeeee, I gotta pee sooooo bad rightnowohmygod! I'm goin over there and peeing. Hold my purse. Rachel! Hold my purse I'm gotta peeeee." I hear the sound of crackling leaves. I frantically pray to every god I can think of, hoping against hope that this drunk chick sees me and notices something is quite off about this stone statue hidden in the trees, and she gets a strange feeling in her gut, and for the next few days she can't stop thinking about that statue and that strange feeling in her gut grows stronger and stronger, until she can't take it anymore and brings the police to investigate it, and it just so happens that the detective she brings is the only one on the force that can help because he has secretly been investigating several claims of witchcraft in the area, and unlike his colleagues he somewhat takes those claims seriously, and upon seeing me he realizes at once that this is the work of a witch and sets off on a hunt, somehow captures said witch, brings her back to me so she can reverse the curse and free me from this stone prison. A miraculous chain of events, I know, but I pin all my hopes on them anyhow. The drunk girl has stopped a few feet from me and has begun to urinate. She finishes and stands, and that's when I hear her scream. Her friends call out for her and run into the trees. They have all noticed me now. "What the fuck..." One of them says. The first girl comes into my field of view, looking me up and down. Her eyes stop on my exposed cock, and she begins to laugh. She beckons the others over. "Are you crazy?! No way I am not walkin over to the creepy-ass statue in the woods in the middle of the night, this is how you die in movies guys come on." A few more girls, no doubt intrigued by the first girls laughter, come over, see my stone penis, and begin laughing as well. I hear one girl comment about how she thought her boyfriends dick had a bad curve. They all pull out their phones and take pictures while the first girl poses with me in various naughty positions. The other girls each take a turn modeling with me as well before they leave. Their laughter slowly fades, and I am alone again. I pray for lightning to strike me, for a sinkhole to open up and swallow me whole, for a couple of kids to strap cherry bombs all over me and blow me apart. I pray for death. DAY 16 I am an Internet sensation. A few days after my inaugural photo shoot there arrived another group of women, eager to let their wild side show with a collection of risqué and NSFW pictures. I try and communicate telepathically, concentrating hard, willing them to at least get a good clean close-up of my face so someone might eventually recognize me. The days pass, the visits more frequent, and my identity still remains a mystery. Some of my visitors talk to me as if I were a real person, showing me the various websites I'm on, telling me I've been trending on Twitter, racking up karma on Reddit. Some celebrities have allegedly vowed to visit me. Some people bring items of clothing and dress me up. Some stick food or other objects in my mouth. Mostly it's just sex pictures though. I am surrounded by people yet utterly alone. I didn't think being a cursed statue could get any worse than it already had, until Hobo John came along. Hobo John discovered me on my fifteenth night as a statue. I could smell him before I saw him, a think and pungent mixture of alcohol and body odor and piss and shit. He stared at me for a minute, then walked a circle around me. He came closer. His unkempt grey beard was stained yellow around the mouth, likely from cigarettes. Jesus, the stench. His eyes darted left and right, as if he was making sure he was alone. I began to feel uncomfortable. His hand grabbed my penis, and all I could do was scream "NONONONONONO" in my head. He worked his hands up and down and up and down, and then he dropped to his knees. His tongue was warm, and I prayed for a sudden strong gust of wind to blow me over and crush him to death. Alas, that prayer went unanswered, as all did before it. After a minute of licking my stone cock he stood back up. He rubbed his hand on my face, almost tenderly. "I'll be back." Hobo John winked at me and left me alone, sickened and violated. It is currently the night after Hobo John's visit and I am filled with a sense of dread. I mentally flinch at every sound. A raccoon meanders through, sniffing at discarded food wrappers before he disappears into the night. I hear someone approaching. Hobo John has arrived. What is he carrying? A step ladder. Why did he bri- Oh no. God no. Please God no. He sets the step ladder up in front of me and climbs to the top. His dick is already out of his pants, hanging there right at eye level. He stoops down a bit, rubbing his dick on my lips. It occurs to me now that I am unable to close my eyes. To distract myself, I think of anything I could have done in my life to deserve a fate such as this. Whatever wrongs I've done I've paid for, ten times over. I scream in my head at the witch, cursing her and begging her and apologizing to her and cursing her again. I lose track of time. Hobo John is done with my mouth, it seems. He climbs down from the step ladder and I rejoice. I am sincerely looking forward to being alone again. That's when Hobo John turns back to me, a tube of lube in his hand. He removes his pants and climbs the step ladder again. When he is finished, he climbs back down, gives me that same face rub, winks, and leaves. I think of my parents, of our house. We used to have a garden gnome statue in our front garden, until it was stolen one night. I pray for that same fate, but I know it will go unanswered, just like the others. I am in hell, where my prayers go unanswered. I am in hell, and Hobo John is my Devil.

  • Janis O'Keefe Reply

    \#|Score|Deleted? (/r/undelete)|Post :--|:--|:--|:--|:-- 30|+5671| |[American journalism has gotten to the point that readers are criticized for not fact checking news articles.]( (Showerthoughts) [\[**423 comments**\]](/r/Showerthoughts/comments/4x3eg4/american_journalism_has_gotten_to_the_point_that/) 31|+2544| |[Walrus becomes embarrassed when given a cake made out of fish for his birthday.]( (aww) [\[**82 comments**\]](/r/aww/comments/4x4r32/walrus_becomes_embarrassed_when_given_a_cake_made/) 32|+4591| |[Mountain trip selfie]( (nsfw) [\[**128 comments**\]](/r/nsfw/comments/4x3qzk/mountain_trip_selfie/) 33|+1380| |[Trump: Obama 'founded ISIS']( (politics) [\[**751 comments**\]](/r/politics/comments/4x5hbb/trump_obama_founded_isis/) 34|+3873| |[Italy proposal to jail vegans who impose diet on children]( (nottheonion) [\[**630 comments**\]](/r/nottheonion/comments/4x3vcp/italy_proposal_to_jail_vegans_who_impose_diet_on/) 35|+2061| |[So I was at my bank today.]( (Jokes) [\[**80 comments**\]](/r/Jokes/comments/4x4wgj/so_i_was_at_my_bank_today/) 36|+5944| |[MRW I find out an interesting article is spaced out over 10 pages for click generation.]( (reactiongifs) [\[**165 comments**\]](/r/reactiongifs/comments/4x328e/mrw_i_find_out_an_interesting_article_is_spaced/) 37|+2609| |[Based Cameraman (Indoor volleyball)]( (Ohlympics) [\[**126 comments**\]](/r/Ohlympics/comments/4x4fyz/based_cameraman_indoor_volleyball/) 38|+1175|**[YES](/r/undelete/comments/4x4mgm/38117580_i_got_a_flying_star_around_my_neck/)** (1)|[I got a flying star around my neck ! fragment of a 70 tons iron meteorite felt in Russia, Sikhote-Alin - 1947 [5184 × 2912]]( (space) [\[**80 comments**\]](/r/space/comments/4x20h8/i_got_a_flying_star_around_my_neck_fragment_of_a/) 39|+5834| |[Pet rat gets overly excited playing peek-a-boo]( (gifs) [\[**1667 comments**\]](/r/gifs/comments/4x32y0/pet_rat_gets_overly_excited_playing_peekaboo/) 40|+5946|**[YES](/r/undelete/comments/4x4tj6/405946316_another_night_at_the_pool_all_done_but/)** (1)|[Another night at the pool all done but the question still remains...]( (sports) [\[**316 comments**\]](/r/sports/comments/4x1pgw/another_night_at_the_pool_all_done_but_the/) 41|+3782| |[Aquaman Movie Villain Revealed to be his arch nemesis Black Manta]( (movies) [\[**897 comments**\]](/r/movies/comments/4x3rcg/aquaman_movie_villain_revealed_to_be_his_arch/) 42|+4456| |[Redditor describes how the film Kung Fu Panda's accuracy and authenticity in portraying Chinese culture emotionally moved his Chinese father to tears]( (bestof) [\[**180 comments**\]](/r/bestof/comments/4x3g1t/redditor_describes_how_the_film_kung_fu_pandas/) 43|+5790| |[Researchers have invented an "acoustic prism" that splits sound into its constituent frequencies using physical properties alone.]( (science) [\[**625 comments**\]](/r/science/comments/4x2yei/researchers_have_invented_an_acoustic_prism_that/) 44|+3452| |[Luis Suarez scores against Sampdoria (1-0)]( (soccer) [\[**338 comments**\]](/r/soccer/comments/4x3phd/luis_suarez_scores_against_sampdoria_10/) 45|+1969| |[Phelps real for this]( (FrankOcean) [\[**15 comments**\]](/r/FrankOcean/comments/4x4mhg/phelps_real_for_this/) 46|+3978| |[TIFU By wasting 16 years of my life by cheating in school by being misdiagnosed with ADHD.]( (tifu) [\[**1039 comments**\]](/r/tifu/comments/4x3ete/tifu_by_wasting_16_years_of_my_life_by_cheating/) 47|+6255| |[Synchronized diving]( (Unexpected) [\[**275 comments**\]](/r/Unexpected/comments/4x2ngv/synchronized_diving/) 48|+4268| |[Thought I was doing my socially awkward neckbeard friend a favor. For the record, she's 80 lbs less than him.]( (AdviceAnimals) [\[**703 comments**\]](/r/AdviceAnimals/comments/4x46lo/thought_i_was_doing_my_socially_awkward_neckbeard/) 49|+5588| |[Tone it down a notch]( (BlackPeopleTwitter) [\[**345 comments**\]](/r/BlackPeopleTwitter/comments/4x2rdf/tone_it_down_a_notch/) 50|+2210| |[Uh...What is this? A guy I follow posted it? Possibly spoilers.]( (pokemon) [\[**522 comments**\]](/r/pokemon/comments/4x4ba3/uhwhat_is_this_a_guy_i_follow_posted_it_possibly/) From the top 50 posts on /r/all, 8 or more mods have overridden at least 32,829 upvotes and silenced 3,675 comments.

  • Ramona Windler Reply

    \#|Score|Deleted? (/r/undelete)|Post :--|:--|:--|:--|:-- 30|+2540| |[HI THERE]( (Overwatch) [\[**64 comments**\]](/r/Overwatch/comments/4onry0/hi_there/) 31|+1782| |[BREAKING: Orlando shooter's Wife has GONE MISSING. VANISHED. NO COURT RECORDS. Full Bank Account Access.]( (The_Donald) [\[**401 comments**\]](/r/The_Donald/comments/4oo218/breaking_orlando_shooters_wife_has_gone_missing/) 32|+1060| |[This might trigger some feminists]( (ImGoingToHellForThis) [\[**38 comments**\]](/r/ImGoingToHellForThis/comments/4ooktj/this_might_trigger_some_feminists/) 33|+1392| |[Why the Tesla and electric car boom could be good news for the grid]( (Futurology) [\[**188 comments**\]](/r/Futurology/comments/4oo7i6/why_the_tesla_and_electric_car_boom_could_be_good/) 34|+2172| |[Precision bun sorting]( (woahdude) [\[**51 comments**\]](/r/woahdude/comments/4onta4/precision_bun_sorting/) 35|+1358|**[YES](/r/undelete/comments/4ooxij/35135852_he_did_it_rindianpeoplefacebook/)** (0)|[He Did It !!]( (indianpeoplefacebook) [\[**52 comments**\]](/r/indianpeoplefacebook/comments/4onwvu/he_did_it/) 36|+3121|**[YES](/r/undelete/comments/4onxnh/353121208_the_handle_on_this_guys_wood_chipper/)** (0)|[The handle on this guy's wood chipper.]( (creepy) [\[**208 comments**\]](/r/creepy/comments/4olqto/the_handle_on_this_guys_wood_chipper/) 37|+1691| |[Obama allows State Dept. to hold Hillary emails until after election; even CNN is outraged]( (worldpolitics) [\[**261 comments**\]](/r/worldpolitics/comments/4oo02i/obama_allows_state_dept_to_hold_hillary_emails/) 38|+1375| |[I love windows. [550x827]]( (RoomPorn) [\[**54 comments**\]](/r/RoomPorn/comments/4oo3l3/i_love_windows_550x827/) 39|+1801| |["Go say hi to aunt Emma, junior"]( (babyelephantgifs) [\[**46 comments**\]](/r/babyelephantgifs/comments/4onvhd/go_say_hi_to_aunt_emma_junior/) 40|+4144| |[How astronomers analyze images]( (space) [\[**163 comments**\]](/r/space/comments/4on5o0/how_astronomers_analyze_images/) 41|+5429| |[North Korean founder Kim-Il Sung had a baseball sized tumor on the back of his head. North Korean propaganda Officials had all photos taken of him from the left side. This is one of the few candid photos of the tumor.]( (WTF) [\[**858 comments**\]](/r/WTF/comments/4omvjp/north_korean_founder_kimil_sung_had_a_baseball/) 42|+4078| |[Alaska's endless mountain ranges taken at 12am 2428X2807]( (EarthPorn) [\[**182 comments**\]](/r/EarthPorn/comments/4on4dh/alaskas_endless_mountain_ranges_taken_at_12am/) 43|+726|**[YES](/r/undelete/comments/4oox4o/43726178_sanders_surrogate_tulsi_gabbard_im_not/)** (0)|[Sanders surrogate Tulsi Gabbard: 'I’m not prepared’ to back Clinton]( (politics) [\[**178 comments**\]](/r/politics/comments/4oob05/sanders_surrogate_tulsi_gabbard_im_not_prepared/) 44|+4148| |[So, What're Your Talents?]( (blackpeoplegifs) [\[**109 comments**\]](/r/blackpeoplegifs/comments/4on2p4/so_whatre_your_talents/) 45|+4879| |[An explanation to /r/soccer about why did Croatian hooligans ruin the CZE-CRO game with flares and fireworks]( (soccer) [\[**830 comments**\]](/r/soccer/comments/4omrzm/an_explanation_to_rsoccer_about_why_did_croatian/) 46|+962| |[Conventional naked selfie]( (Amateur) [\[**9 comments**\]](/r/Amateur/comments/4oo75o/conventional_naked_selfie/) 47|+5765| |[She sat on the SIDE of her food dish and started eating]( (aww) [\[**489 comments**\]](/r/aww/comments/4on0ne/she_sat_on_the_side_of_her_food_dish_and_started/) 48|+2418| |[Whenever someone offers me something, I always politely decline at least once to make sure I'm not abusing their generosity or seeming entitled. But sometimes they don't insist even once and I end up not getting it even though I would have absolutely loved it.]( (britishproblems) [\[**230 comments**\]](/r/britishproblems/comments/4oneqk/whenever_someone_offers_me_something_i_always/) 49|+1028| |[Tokyo...]( (travel) [\[**82 comments**\]](/r/travel/comments/4oo3hi/tokyo/) 50|+3431| |[me_irl]( (me_irl) [\[**68 comments**\]](/r/me_irl/comments/4on2ja/me_irl/) From the top 50 posts on /r/all, 11 or more mods have overridden at least 32,143 upvotes and silenced 3,568 comments.

  • Orval Reilly Reply

    #love #instagood #me #tbt #follow #cute #photooftheday #followme #happy #beautiful #girl #picoftheday #selfie #summer #fun #instadaily #smile #friends #like4like #igers #fashion #instalike #food #swag #tflers #amazing #bestoftheday #follow4follow #instamood #style #lol #likeforlike #l4l #nofilter #family #pretty #life #my #webstagram #iphoneonly #hair #mayonaise #sun #followforfollow #tweegram #f4f #all_shots #instago #bored #instacool #instafollow #cool #eyes #funny #nice #girls #look #party #art #night #sky #imsomuchbetterthanyoulot #beach #shoutout #music #hot #20likes #repost #pink #colorful #nature #baby #instacollage #throwback #iphonesia #blue #day #fitness #poorpeoplearegross #black #photo #makeup #harrystyles #boyfriend #instalove #awesome #throwbackthursday #loveit #home #instapic #niallhoran #shoes #statigram #instagramhub #a #igdaily #tired #instaphoto #picstitch #in #louistomilnson #jj #snow #photography #photo #photos #beautiful #instagood #all_shots #color 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  • Aaliyah Veum Reply

    #love #instagood #me #tbt #follow #cute #photooftheday #followme #happy #beautiful #girl #picoftheday #selfie #summer #fun #instadaily #smile #friends #like4like #igers #fashion #instalike #food #swag #tflers #amazing #bestoftheday #follow4follow #instamood #style #lol #likeforlike #l4l #nofilter #family #pretty #life #my #webstagram #iphoneonly #hair #sun #followforfollow #tweegram #f4f #all_shots #instago #bored #instacool #instafollow #cool #eyes #funny #nice #girls #look #party #art #night #sky #beach #shoutout #music #hot #20likes #repost #pink #colorful #nature #baby #instacollage #throwback #iphonesia #blue #day #fitness #black #photo #makeup #harrystyles #boyfriend #instalove #awesome #throwbackthursday #loveit #home #instapic #niallhoran #shoes #statigram #instagramhub #a #igdaily #tired #instaphoto #picstitch #in #louistomilnson #jj #snow #photography #photo #photos #beautiful #instagood #all_shots #color #photooftheday #picoftheday #pic #pics #picture #pictures #exposure #compisition #focus #snapshot #vsco #capture #moment #vscocam #photographer #art #instaart #beautiful #instagood #illustration #draw #drawing #arts #artist #picture #photography #sketch #artsy #paper #pen #sketchbook #pencil #photooftheday #creative #artoftheday #masterpiece #instaartist #graphic #graphics #tattoo #instagram #instagrammers #igers #instagood #follow #followme #comment #instamood #instalove #photography #iphoneography #androidography #filters #filter #photo #contests #hipster #ig #igaddict #photooftheday #tflers #insta #bestoftheday #instadaily #picoftheday #instafamous #popularpage #popular #best #travel #traveling #vacation #TFLers #instatravel #igtravel #instago #instagood #roadtrip #trip #holiday #visit #visiting #photooftheday #fun #tourist #tourism #instatraveling #travelingram #mytravel #instapassport #cars #car #whip #whipgame #ride #driver #driving #sportscar #vehicle #street #road #highway #exotics #exotic #freeway #exoticcars #speed #fast #spoiler #exhaust 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  • Geraldine Satterfield Reply

    So, i'm about to board my flight and I see some dudes walking around in soccer uniforms and adidas tracks suits. I think, whatever, I'm at JFK and it could be any random soccer team. So, I get to my seat, 34B, fuck, it's a middle seat. Anyway, I'm situating myself and I look down, and see a guy taking off his shoes and putting them in the overhead bin, great, this dude's gonna have stinky feet. I look at his shirt, not at his face, see the soccer like logo, didn't really recognize it initially, but then said, "what are you guys gonna go play the sounders?" The dude with his shoes off goes, "Saturday". I still haven't looked at his face yet. Then Andrea Pirlo sits down in front of me and I'm like... you know that feeling. So I look to my right, and it's Frankie Lampard sitting next to me. So i'm sitting here thinking to myself, how the fuck am I going to make it from JFK to SEA, 6.5 hours, in this position of unworthiness? What's my move? Do I talk about soccer? Do I play it cool? I played it fucking cool, bros. I had actually in the last couple of months gone to London for work, and while I was there, toured stamford bridge, and took tons of pics on my handy iphone, to which was a great conversation starter, "Frank, I just had the chance to make it to London recently, but not soon enough, here's a picture of me in your old locker room, which locker was yours?" He takes my phone, looks at the pictures, one by one, and points out his locker, some other interesting facts, and how they haven't replaced his locker with any other players yet. Which I feel he said with a tiny hint of satisfaction. So anyway, the conversation kind of fell flat for a while, he was very interested in his book that he was reading, which was a history of the Winston Churchill. So at that moment, David Villa stands up, walks over to one of the jr players on the team, bumps him and reaches into his bag of almonds and starts eating them, in a big brother/little brother kind of interaction. The team was so tight. I got up to go use the restroom, which was cool having to ask Frankie to stand up for me to get by, but anyway, I met this really cool kid named Diego in the back, he was drinking a gourd of Mate, which I was familiar with, having spent a chunk of time in Chile when I was a bit younger. I was hoping to god he'd invite me to sit down with him and sip mate, but his trainer homeboy came by and had to massage his leg, which I guess was sore. I wasn't too worried though, Patrick Viera was a few rows down, and I looked at him, and he looked back at me, and he smiled, and I wimped out. I fucking wimped out. I'd seen way too many slide tackles to run up on Viera. Super cool dude tho, he looked at me like that one zach galifanakis gif head nod. So I get back to my seat, Frankie stands up for me, makes a hand gesture, classy as fuck, I sit down and start wondering if it's worth it to try to chat with Pirlo. He kinda looked annoyed and tired, plus he was watching a movie and it had italian subtitles, so I peeked through the seat in front of me and kind of creepy hovered his movie. After about an hour, I noticed Frank had finished the book, so now was the best time to get a conversation going. I asked him why he was interested in that book, which led to a deep conversation on his interest in history and politics, which led me to inquire on his perception of the current american presidential election. He described his thoughts on the issue, but more importantly, he was looking me in the eye, and treating me like an equal. The guy is so humble and genuine, he's a fucking legend, and knows that he is, and has nothing to prove to me or anyone else. The dynamic of Villa, Pirlo, and Lampard against the younger players on the squad was palpable. Those guys are their leaders, examples, and more or less, their heroes that when they were in AYSO, watched slay the greatest goal keepers that others would describe as "walls". I turned around and asked one of the admins on the team, and was like, "how do you do what you do with this much greatness surrounding you all the time?" They explained that Lampard's a humble leader, Villa and Pirlo had different styles, but that the respect is there and expectations are high. Right about then, Lampard pulls out his iPad from a nice designer bag (smythson), he rocks a patek philippe silver watch by the way if anyone was interested, and starts reading another book. The dude is intellectual. The plane starts to land and I look over at Frank and ask as nicely as I know for a selfie with him, he leans over and we take the first one, but the lighting was bad, so he adjusts the over head lighting and we get the shot that's posted. He looks me in the eye, and tells me that he really enjoyed our conversation, shakes my hand and nods. I'm all shocked and stuff and feel cool now. So we all grab our carry-on and walk to baggage claim, and then these two dudes out of nowhere run up on Pirlo and start taking all these selfies with him all rude like, and so he didn't smile as far as I saw for those pics. It was a rude approach, especially after a long flight. So right about then, I decided to not try to get a pic with Pirlo, even though that dude is cool as fuck, I wanted to respect the situation and leave it be, after all, I got one with Lampard, dream come true. We get onto the shuttle, the whole team, now I'm standing right next to Viera, he smiled at me again, and I smiled back with a nod. I told them all good luck Saturday. Best flight ever.

  • Agustin Abshire Reply

    So, i'm about to board my flight and I see some dudes walking around in soccer uniforms and adidas tracks suits. I think, whatever, I'm at JFK and it could be any random soccer team. So, I get to my seat, 34B, fuck, it's a middle seat. Anyway, I'm situating myself and I look down, and see a guy taking off his shoes and putting them in the overhead bin, great, this dude's gonna have stinky feet. I look at his shirt, not at his face, see the soccer like logo, didn't really recognize it initially, but then said, "what are you guys gonna go play the sounders?" The dude with his shoes off goes, "Saturday". I still haven't looked at his face yet. Then Andrea Pirlo sits down in front of me and I'm like... you know that feeling. So I look to my right, and it's Frankie Lampard sitting next to me. So i'm sitting here thinking to myself, how the fuck am I going to make it from JFK to SEA, 6.5 hours, in this position of unworthiness? What's my move? Do I talk about soccer? Do I play it cool? I played it fucking cool, bros. I had actually in the last couple of months gone to London for work, and while I was there, toured stamford bridge, and took tons of pics on my handy iphone, to which was a great conversation starter, "Frank, I just had the chance to make it to London recently, but not soon enough, here's a picture of me in your old locker room, which locker was yours?" He takes my phone, looks at the pictures, one by one, and points out his locker, some other interesting facts, and how they haven't replaced his locker with any other players yet. Which I feel he said with a tiny hint of satisfaction. So anyway, the conversation kind of fell flat for a while, he was very interested in his book that he was reading, which was a history of the Winston Churchill. So at that moment, David Villa stands up, walks over to one of the jr players on the team, bumps him and reaches into his bag of almonds and starts eating them, in a big brother/little brother kind of interaction. The team was so tight. I got up to go use the restroom, which was cool having to ask Frankie to stand up for me to get by, but anyway, I met this really cool kid named Diego in the back, he was drinking a gourd of Mate, which I was familiar with, having spent a chunk of time in Chile when I was a bit younger. I was hoping to god he'd invite me to sit down with him and sip mate, but his trainer homeboy came by and had to massage his leg, which I guess was sore. I wasn't too worried though, Patrick Viera was a few rows down, and I looked at him, and he looked back at me, and he smiled, and I wimped out. I fucking wimped out. I'd seen way too many slide tackles to run up on Viera. Super cool dude tho, he looked at me like that one zach galifanakis gif head nod. So I get back to my seat, Frankie stands up for me, makes a hand gesture, classy as fuck, I sit down and start wondering if it's worth it to try to chat with Pirlo. He kinda looked annoyed and tired, plus he was watching a movie and it had italian subtitles, so I peeked through the seat in front of me and kind of creepy hovered his movie. After about an hour, I noticed Frank had finished the book, so now was the best time to get a conversation going. I asked him why he was interested in that book, which led to a deep conversation on his interest in history and politics, which led me to inquire on his perception of the current american presidential election. He described his thoughts on the issue, but more importantly, he was looking me in the eye, and treating me like an equal. The guy is so humble and genuine, he's a fucking legend, and knows that he is, and has nothing to prove to me or anyone else. The dynamic of Villa, Pirlo, and Lampard against the younger players on the squad was palpable. Those guys are their leaders, examples, and more or less, their heroes that when they were in AYSO, watched slay the greatest goal keepers that others would describe as "walls". I turned around and asked one of the admins on the team, and was like, "how do you do what you do with this much greatness surrounding you all the time?" They explained that Lampard's a humble leader, Villa and Pirlo had different styles, but that the respect is there and expectations are high. Right about then, Lampard pulls out his iPad from a nice designer bag (smythson), he rocks a patek philippe silver watch by the way if anyone was interested, and starts reading another book. The dude is intellectual. The plane starts to land and I look over at Frank and ask as nicely as I know for a selfie with him, he leans over and we take the first one, but the lighting was bad, so he adjusts the over head lighting and we get the shot that's posted. He looks me in the eye, and tells me that he really enjoyed our conversation, shakes my hand and nods. I'm all shocked and stuff and feel cool now. So we all grab our carry-on and walk to baggage claim, and then these two dudes out of nowhere run up on Pirlo and start taking all these selfies with him all rude like, and so he didn't smile as far as I saw for those pics. It was a rude approach, especially after a long flight. So right about then, I decided to not try to get a pic with Pirlo, even though that dude is cool as fuck, I wanted to respect the situation and leave it be, after all, I got one with Lampard, dream come true. We get onto the shuttle, the whole team, now I'm standing right next to Viera, he smiled at me again, and I smiled back with a nod. I told them all good luck Saturday. Best flight ever.

  • Elva Fahey Reply

    1. Last beverage: Diet Pepsi. 2. Last phone call: I called home before leaving work to say I’m on my way. 3. Last song you listened to: Selfie – The Chainsmokers. 4. Last time you cried: When I was told Vikki had to go into the hospital for a few days. 5. Have you dated someone twice: Yes, actually my wife. Second time was a charm. 6. Have you ever been cheated on: Not that I am aware of. 7. Kissed someone & regretted it: Learning experiences. 8. Have you lost someone special: Yes, a few family members have passed away. 9. What are your three favorite colors: Purple, red and blue. 10. Met someone who changed you in the past month: I don’t wear diapers. 11. Kissed anyone on your friends list: Yes. 12. How many kids do you want: The three we have are great! 13. Do you want any pets: The two cats we have are awesome. 14. Do you want to change your name: Not legally. 15. What did you do for your last birthday: Work, eat sleep and had cake. 16. What time did you wake up today: I woke up at 6:55 am. 17. Name something you CANNOT wait for: Income tax refund. 18. Last time you saw your mother: August 2013 but I’ll see her in May of this year. 19. Most visited webpage: or Facebook. 20. Nicknames: Nicholas, Nicole, Nicki, Nicola, those are all “nick” names. 21. Relationship status: Married. 22. Zodiac sign: Aquarius. 23. Male or female: Should I check? Yes I’m a boy. 24. Height: 5’ foot 9”. 25. Do you have a crush on someone: Just my wife and Katy Perry. 26. Piercings: The sound of my voice. 27. Tattoos: Ink free. 28. Strong or Weak: Not the most muscular but strong willed. FIRSTS 29. First surgery: Hernia repair. 30. First best friend: I had a few, not fair to single one out. 31. First sport you joined: Basketball or Soccer. 32. First vacation: California, 1979 or maybe PEI a year before that? It was years ago. 33. First school: Gorsebrook. 34. First pair of trainers: What is this British? I don’t know, Woolco brand. WHICH IS BETTER 35. Lips or eyes: Eyes. 36. Hugs or kisses: From whom? I’d say kisses from the wife, hugs from friends. 37. Shorter or taller: Shorter. 38. Older or younger: My wife is five years younger than me but I’ve date people older. 39. Romantic or spontaneous: I’m not romantic, so I’ll take spontaneous. 40. Sensitive or loud: Sensitive. 41. Hook-up or relationship: Relationship. 42. Shy or outgoing: Outgoing HAVE YOU EVER 43. Kissed a stranger: Funny story here. I was sitting on my front porch at about 17 years old (1989) and a girl walked by the house and we just started making out. It was weird. I didn’t and still don’t know her. 44. Gotten a speeding ticket: Yes, four in my life. 45. Lost glasses/contacts: Don’t wear glasses or need contacts. 46. Sex on first date: Next question please. 47. Broken someone’s heart: Sadly, yes. 48. Been arrested: No 49. Have you turned someone down: I’m sure I have in a bar in my 20s, I just don’t remember. 50. Fallen for a friend: When I was younger.

  • Bud Casper Reply

    He makes a lot of really great points in this article, just a few parts I particularly liked... >The last time John Cho went to Seoul, the city from which his family emigrated when he was 6, he was called a word he’d never heard before. “I didn’t know whether to be flattered or not,” Cho says. “But I had to admit that maybe I have this quality.” The word is Um-chin-ah, an abbreviated phrase that roughly translates to “your mother’s friend’s son.” That is, the kid you’re compared to growing up: the one who gets perfect scores on the SATs, plays soccer and the violin, volunteers at the hospital, and is elected prom king. He’s the ideal Korean kid, and “he is a ghost,” Cho tells me. “He doesn’t exist!” And yet, looking at John Cho on a bench in Brooklyn Bridge Park with his sunglasses in his hair, I can’t help thinking it’s exactly the right word. I so agree, I've also low key been in love with him since Selfie. >I've seen many instances where we’re seen as a little less than human, or maybe a little more than human — like ultrahuman, rather than subhuman. What is wrong with film representation? Some of it is mechanical, surprisingly. I've thought about why Asian stars — from Asia, I mean — look so much better in their Asian films than they do in their American films, and now I can answer that to some extent. There's an eye, and it's not a malicious eye, which is a way that the people working the camera and behind the scenes view us. And then they process it and they put it on film. And it's not quite human. Whereas Asian films, they are considered fully human. Fully heroic, fully comic, fully lovely, fully sad, whatever it is. And it's this combination of lighting, makeup, and costume. He goes on to explain how even lighting, which one might view as a pretty neutral instrument, is critical in racializing (and sometimes normalizing) actors. >My wife and I were worried when we had our firstborn, about how he was going to think of himself in a mostly white neighborhood. Particularly Asian men, I feel, we suffer more than Asian women, because we're told we're not worth anything in general. We thought casually about moving to an Asian-heavy neighborhood. And I'm glad we didn't, because there are a lot of drawbacks to that too. I feel like this is a statement that will incite some controversy, but I'd say that I think that the "we're told we're not worth anything" is perhaps more applicable in regards to the general American public, rather than within the family unit itself. I just very distinctly remember my mother, my entire life, saying how disappointed she was that she never had a son, and I feel like it's all too common to see Asian sons and daughters being treated differently.

  • Pietro Gutkowski Reply

    The selfie with the headphones and sunglasses and scowl on your face is not particularly flattering. Maybe explain why there's a photo of you in a costume that completely covers all of your features. > Making people smile and laugh, or so I'm told, by my mirror. Eh, maybe a bit too self-deprecating? Hard to say. > Being the most humble person I know I like it, but some people might not catch that. > Mr.Robot Fuuuuck yes. > and some anime. Ehhhh if it's not a big deal, then maybe don't mention it. > The interwebs Ehhhhhh naw. Doesn't add anything. Maybe specify "wikipedia?" > My phone, for the gps aspect You could just say GPS. Maybe clarify that you use it for exciting motorcycle adventures or some shit. Don't phrase it like that, though. > I am with friends almost every Friday night. We are either meeting at our 'spot' to ride out into the night, or we are out drinking at an Irish pub or grabbing some grub. Sometimes we will meet up and play some board games or yell at the t.v while watching our favorite sports team. What team? And, this implies that you might not be able to date the reader on Friday nights. Is that accurate? > Some things that I want to try are archery tag, sky diving and bubble soccer. See, the thing is, you aren't going to find women who are pros at any of those things, so none of them are going to take it as a sign that "they should message you if." They're mostly too obscure. They're cool though -- good luck finding people who want to do that stuff.

  • Makenna Larson Reply

    check out simone biles meeting zack efron. What selfie pose do you think they are going with? What's that? The women's soccer gold metal match is ending right now? We'll get you the highlights tomorrow. Back to zack efron.

  • Zella Green Reply

    You actually think the conservative needed his help? Was the con MP a person with a disability that prevented him from using his legs? He could have walked out of there without assistance if he wanted to. Trudeau was purposely making a scene. Add this to his name calling and sticking out his tongue at other politicians and his Goddamn selfie infatuation and I will say yes, he acts like a child. His apology was also a big piece of political mumbo-jumbo garbage where he skirted around the whole thing. The brush elbow was a classic soccer dive in a highly charged situation and I am rather happy to see old stomping Tom back after his hilariously bad attempt to pretend to be a decent level headed person in the elections. I wish Jack Layton was still around because then I believe we would have a real leader instead of Trudeau or Harps.

  • Magdalena Leuschke Reply

    I don't mind the shirt in the first picture, even if it's a little big. You look good in that shot. Also think the soccer pic should come sooner. Maybe as a second pic. And delete the hula-hula skirt picture. Or crop it into a close- up, so the skirt doesn't show. It does you no favors... Selfies suck, so perhaps use the camera shutter timer in your cell phone or ipad (there are free apps for that), so you can take pictures of yourself without the typical stupid 'selfie' (arms-length or mirror) look. Just prop your phone up on something, like a tall table, hit the 20 sec timer button, step back, and smile for the camera. Or just ask a buddy or neighbor to help you out. I don't think your pictures are bad at all, especially compared to others'. But you could maybe use a couple more.

  • Dillon Graham Reply

    Some context here. That's the cast of *Cachureos*, an extremely popular kids show in Chile. It is essentially a variety hour that's been on the air from way back. Alexis recently hosted a kids soccer tournament in his home town. There were 3 different categories in the tournament: 8-10yo, 11-13yo, and 14-16yo. As a bonus he brought the whole cast of *Cachureos* to entertain the kids who participated. Additionally he presented the winning team with the trophy. The Chilean media was praising him for essentially setting this up through his twitter account, as well as staying until he took a selfie with every single kid that participated!

  • Maurice Mohr Reply

    You're cute and have a nice figure, but your pictures do nothing to showcase either. Get rid of most of your pics beside the climbing selfie, which is a keeper. Your pics (and perhaps your style -- frumpy clothes, no makeup) say "yearbook" or "soccer mom" to me more than "dating site." Not suggesting you should whore it up or falsely portray yourself as someone you're not, by any means, but you're almost too wholesome, which I imagine deters guys from messaging you. I'd rethink the pictures you've posted for sure. Too much about your pets, by far. I can imagine not messaging you on that basis alone.

  • Tommie Robel Reply

    Actually, it's because I'm predisposed towards love handles, which I hate looking at. is 600 considered aggressive? I should probably specify that it's less competitive and more independent soccer training where I do ball drills and short sprints to get back into the game. I do agree I do not have a whole lot of muscle, but my abs are pretty well developed and I'm slowly falling in love with myself :) I'd love to be able to take a good shirtless selfie, y'know? I've been doing strength training for a while, but I'm also as fragile as a 90 yo with arthritis so I have to tread pretty carefully in general.

  • Shanel Wyman Reply

    > When you make plans for 12 after going to see a soccer game and then flake afterwards because you're too busy catching pokemon, I have a serious problemo with that. Not a pokemon go problem though, just a jerk problem. > The game turns you into a zombie when you play, you just stare at your screen when we walk around, you don't engage in conversation and you make us stop just so you can _____ something. Does this not apply to everything now though? Phones, facebook, other social media, snapchat, selfie sticks, and every other stupid thing distracting everyone from being a part of life.

  • Foster Nolan Reply

    > it's natural for people to be concerned about a real public health crisis. I'm not going to argue that Zika is harmless, or anything crazy like that, but I think the hate comes more from [these pictures]( that come off being pretty "distasteful" at best. It'd be like me posting a selfie wearing a blast suit as I'm getting ready to go to Belgium or France.

  • Shawn Rosenbaum Reply

    I met World Cup women's soccer champ Carli Lloyd, if getting an autograph and stuff counts. After a practice session she came by when everyone was signing autographs and I asked her to take a selfie with me and my friends on my phone. I told her how amazing her hat trick goal was and she thanked me. I also met a bunch of other players and got pictures with them that day, but I think Carli Lloyd is the most recognizable for people who don't know about the whole team.

  • Adalberto Parisian Reply

    I'll 100% agree that sex trafficking and slavery are morally repugnant. The article is lacking details that would allow discussion on what the guy actually thought he was getting into. The main problem I have with the article is the hysterical headline that panders to the soccer moms. It's this same absurd "moral" environment we've created in which 17 year olds can take a naked selfie and be charged with distributing child porn.

  • Ciara Nolan Reply

    They suck because none of them know anything about sports. At least put a soccer or basketball player in one of those seats. At least that way they'd know who some of the people are without someone having to scramble to tell them. Matt Lauer didn't even recognize Kyree. That's amateur hour. Also he called a group picture a "group selfie". Damn you, Matt Lauer.

  • Annabelle Quigley Reply

    Me and my partner were at this, it was an amazing time. Got to see LD and Eddie Johnson hat tricks with my own eyes after watching them as a kid, got a selfie with Keller and helped fund 12 soccer scholarships!

  • Walker Johnson Reply

    I did the thing where I watched soccer live. My selfie is incoming on Thursday

  • Elmore Schroeder Reply

    Are you sure it wasn't this american group selfie is brought to you by Company name I mean they bring you the soccer score by now... . I miss public television from europe :(

  • Chaim Lubowitz Reply

    Original post: [Soccer selfie](

  • Cielo Tremblay Reply

    people killing each other inside the stadiums and UEFA decides to take action because of a selfie. Is UEFA run by /r/soccer?

  • Katelynn Tremblay Reply

    Last week, that selfie kid getting hit with the soccer ball. Never laughed so hard while I was in the gym. Couldn't stop smiling

  • Connor Luettgen Reply

    The guy taking a selfie with the soccer ball kinda blew my mind! Most people would return the ball to the field right away.

  • Orpha Murazik Reply

    I am a simple man, I see /r/soccer n meltdown I get happy. All I wanna see is pepe lifting the cup with a selfie stick in other hand.

  • Alden Mueller Reply

    That soccer ball has gotten more selfie requests in a few seconds than I have my entire life.

  • Donny Swift Reply

    Sweaty heatwave soccer selfie

  • Maximillian Mohr Reply

    [soccer selfie ](

  • Adele Hoppe Reply

    I'm called a soccer mom, not a selfie mom.